I bought a new rain jacket at REI, and I resisted the urge to tell the salesperson “It’s for my trip to Ireland next week!” Because that won’t impress someone who works at REI. They won’t be impressed unless you’re planning a swan dive off Mount Everest wearing nothing but Speedy Gonzalez boxers. It’s like telling a sex therapist that you and the missus have abandoned missionary and started spelunking. Although ironically, an REI salesperson might actually be excited that you’ve started spelunking. “That’s great! I go spelunking whenever I can. What are your favorite caves?”
I passed a storefront that said “CLEANING AND ALTERATIONS,” but I only half-saw the sign and I thought it said “CLOTHING AND ALLITERATION.” Which would be the best store ever. “Salutations! I seek a starched shirt.” “Sure, sir. Surely we can supply you with a superb shirt to your specifications.” “Sweet!”
I saw the indie flick Half Nelson and enjoyed it, but I have two significant issues that will cause me to seek out the creators of the movie and destroy them all. First: star Ryan Gosling has taken Rachel McAdams off the market, and so he shall suffer imminent destruction at my hands. Second: An important theme of the movie hinges around the “Interrupting Cow” joke.* I love the Interrupting Cow joke. And although many people have heard it, I’ve still encountered many both young and old who haven’t yet experienced its harmless antics and quality comedy. But now that it’s in the movie, it’s lost to me forever. Everyone will hear it. Damn you Half Nelson. And also, get your dirty hands off Rachel.
*What, you haven’t heard it? Okay, imagine the following exchange:
- Knock knock.
- Who’s there?
- Interrupting cow.
- Interrupting cow w--
- MOOOOO.
(It’s funnier when spoken aloud.)**
**I refuse to let Meredith pipe in with the Interrupting Starfish joke in the comments, so here that one is too:
- Knock knock.
- Who’s there?
- Interrupting starfish.
- Interrupting starfish w--
(Put big starfish-like fingers on person’s face.)
Hilarity ensues!
Posted by Greg at 07:50 PM on 09/07/06
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