“Holy mother of God. How are we supposed to unwrap all of those presents?”
“We can work shifts.”
--------------
“What are you doing?”
“I’m putting a gift in Geoff’s stocking.”
“No, Geoff’s stocking is down there. That stocking is for the cats.”
--------------
“Those are wine charms, Greg. You put them on your wine glasses so your dinner guests know which glass is theirs.
“But Greg’s wine glasses already look completely different from one another.”
--------------
“I made your blog my home page.”
“Really?”
“But I haven’t had a chance to read it for a while.”
--------------
“Scientific studies indicate that all the races and ethnicities in the world are descended from five individuals.”
“That must have been a heck of an orgy.”
--------------
Bonus! Overhead expressions of endearment/affection:
“Love.”
“Dear.”
“Sweetheart.”
“My little muffin tin.”
“My little Krispy Kreme.”
“I’m your bitch.”