I’ve been pretty even-tempered lately, meaning that some things annoy me and some things make me happy, so it all balances out.  For example, the Republican plan to send $100 rebate checks to everyone as a way of fighting high gas prices makes me angry.  Don’t get me wrong--I’m a cheap hooker, through and through. But my price for not caring about research into alternative energy sources is way higher than $100.

BILL FRIST: “Greg, here’s $100 to help with your gas bill.”

“Oh, Senator Frist, you are handsome and manly.  I shall make you very happy. But you still have to research alternative energy sources.”

JOHN MCCAIN: “Greg, here’s $500 to help with your gas bill.”

“Oh, Senator McCain, you are so tough with your military demeanor and fierce politics. I will pleasure you all night long.  But you still have to research alternative energy sources.”

DICK CHENEY: “Greg, here’s $2,000 to help with your gas bill.”

“Whoa!  Okay, you know, let’s forget about the whole alternative energy thing. Let’s go find some dead dinosaurs!”

KARL ROVE: “Greg, here’s $5,000 to help with your gas bill.”

“Oh Karl.  My dear, sweet Karl.  I want you to penetrate a place I’ve never asked anyone to penetrate before.  That’s right--I want you to go drill in the National Arctic Wildlife Refuge.”

Everyone has their price, and I definitely have mine.  But $100 is just insulting.  Now, am I angry all the time?  Of course not.  Watching Stephen Colbert say these things at the White House Press Dinner made me swell with patriotic pride.  What a great country we live in, where you can look a President in the eye and compare his poll numbers to backwash!  So like I said, I’m even tempered.

That’s why I was surprised when someone at work in authority said “BLAH BLAH SOMETHING OF IMPORTANCE AND AUTHORITY BLAH BLAH” and I said “BLAH BLAH CONTRADICT BLAH BLAH HERE’S WHAT I THINK BLAH BLAH,” and someone else said to me afterwards, “Wow, that took guts.” But did it?  I didn’t contradict the person out of anger or malice.  My job at work is to be William Riker.  The Captain steers the ship, and I quote rules and regulations--not to undermine authority, but simply to do my duty of laying out the potential consequences so the Captain is fully informed in his decision.

“We’re going to hide the ship in that nebula.  And also pitch an article about strategic partnerships to media contacts within our sales territories.”

“Captain, Federation regulations prohibit going near class C nebulas, because they may interfere with our dilithium crystals.  Also, no one cares about our strategic partnerships.”

”I know Federation regulations, mister.  Full speed ahead into the nebula and start pitching the media outlets.  But not you, Number One.  You go slink into the corner, grow a beard, and eat until you get fat.”

“Aye, Captain.”

But maybe I actually have been in a bad mood?  Because yesterday, Curtis of Knick Knack sent me an email with the message “I think your ‘targeted ads’ have the wrong opinion of me.” The message included a link to this screenshot.

As I’m sure Curtis knows, Google ads don’t read the mind of the users but take their content cues from the site itself.  I don’t remember writing about the female cycle--so maybe a subconscious bad mood is influencing its algorithms?

No wonder I keep cramping up after the gym.