One thing I really hate about the current election is the sudden widespread use, by both parties, of the term “Main Street” to refer to average Americans.  I grew up in a town that did have a Main Street, but the primary street was actually called “State Street.” Do any of these politicians know anything about State Street?

My recollections of State Street include cruising up and down it with my friends during high school.  There was never a lamer activity for teenagers than cruising.  We went up, turned around, and went back down, always feeling as though some major piece of our lives was missing.  We couldn’t put it a name to it.  Now, of course, I can--it’s called “The Internet.” But back then we didn’t know that so we just kept cruising.

State Street also had a scary bar called The Forest Club.  Creepy regulars hung out on the street corners and looked at us, their rheumy eyes swimming with alcohol and regret.  Is the new administration going to assist these people?  They are not just Joe Six Pack; they are Joe Carton, Joe Case, and Joe Five Bottles of Jack.  Although actually, later in life I was old enough to go inside the Forest Club and found out they had a shuffleboard, so the place turned out to be not scary at all, but still.

I am not impressed by references to Main Street.  These days I live on Moss Avenue. I would like it if my potential candidate stared directly at the camera and rumbled, in a Harvard baritone, “I intend to help out everyone on Moss Avenue by ensuring that they’re employable for the rest of their lives, except maybe for that one guy who picks up aluminum cans while mumbling to himself--he seems to be all set.”

Or if the candidate turned to the camera, winked, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse, hiked up her skirt, and said “I’m going to make sure that the residents of Moss Avenue have a brand-new Wii, and they’re also invited to my house for a Truck Drivers and Schoolgirls party.  Although, maybe not the guy who picks up aluminum cans while mumbling to himself.”

I have nothing in common with these candidates, which I expected from the outset, but I am tired of them throwing around the term “Main Street” as though they have something in common with me.  In the final analysis, they are all only marginally better than having a Czar or a Pharaoh.