Having a drink in an outside patio with my friend and colleague:

SHE: Oh my god. There’s a spider on the wall. Kill it. KILL IT.

ME: Here, I’ll remove it with this menu--

SHE: NO.  Not good enough.

(STOMP)

ME: Hey! I was going to deposit it in those bushes.  That was a living thing.  Aren’t you a believer in God, and stuff?

SHE: Whatever. It was a spider.

ME: We are all spiders in the eyes of the Lord. Didn’t you ever read Jonathan Edwards’s Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God?

SHE: What, the senator who was just caught cheating on his wife?

ME: Hmm. Now that you mention it, it’s kind of interesting they have the same name.

Bonus conversation with someone totally different!

SHE: You should have been the wedding I was at this weekend. It was Star Wars themed.

ME: .....

SHE: Great Darth Vader cake.

ME: ....just tell me that they’re not planning on having children.

SHE: They’re hoping for twins.  So they can name them Luke and Leia.