- Hey Greg, you lift, right?  You can bench your own body weight, right?

- Uh...huh?

- Yeah, if you lift regularly, you should be able to bench your own body weight.

- Oh, uh, sure.  I can totally do that.

- Good. Because--

- We’re talking about my body weight after three weeks of not eating or drinking, right?

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There’s only a few tickets left for the first woman blogger’s conference Blog Her.  The tickets are $100.  Do they come with a free lapdance from Dooce?

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- These drops will help us see if you have a condition known as “dry eyes.”

- Oh, I don’t have that.

- How do you know?

- I choked up at the end of Shawshank Redemption.

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I recently heard a creationist theory I’ve never heard before: baby dinosaurs were part of Noah’s ark.  At first, I thought that’s completely cool.  I love dinosaurs.  As a kid, the only chapter in the encyclopedia I would read was the chapter about dinosaurs.  I had dinosaur action figures.  If you’re going to believe in creationism, why not make allowance for dinosaurs?

But then I started thinking about it, and realized it simply would never work.  Let’s get past the point about having a brontosaurus on the upper deck and a stegosaurus in the cargo hold.  Capacity isn’t a valid objection. I think we can all pretty much acknowledge at this point that Noah had one honking large boat.

No, my issue is, how could we possibly have sheep in 2005?

If you’ve got a couple of baby raptors about, what are they going to do?  They’re going to go gnaw on some sheep.  They would eat all the sheep. By all rights, we should not have sheep in the modern day.

But then I thought: what if the dinosaurs were full because they already snacked on some big fluffy cute animal that no longer exists?  That would explain both how dinosaurs were able to be on the boat, and why we still have sheep.

Fluffywumpums, we hardly knew ye.