Do unto others, as long as it’s consensual.

When the going gets tough, go to the movies.

The lion and the lamb will lie down together, although they may be forced to eventually adopt.

The journey of a thousand miles begins and ends with surprisingly few frequent flyer credits.

Life is a meaningless accident of an uncaring universe; therefore, never turn down a second helping of dessert.

Always answer when opportunity knocks, unless it’s just another Mormon.

You actually can get more mileage from a cheap pair of sneakers.

A man’s worth is not determined by the number of things he possesses, but rather, the value of those things.

Life is short but awkward pauses last for eternity.

Oh my savior!  Keeper of my immortal soul!  How hast thou been lately?  Perhaps we can hang.