The New York Times says that Senator Barack Obama’s recent admission that he might run in ‘08 has “complicated” Hilary Clinton’s own presidential ambitions.

Gee, you think so, New York Times?  No wonder you’re a beloved and respected newspaper that’s used in bird cages across the country.

Let’s be clear about this: If Barack runs, Hilary is toast.  I mean, the kind of toast that you butter and then it slips out of your hands and lands face-down on the linoleum and you pick it up and throw it out.  That kind of toast.

Here are some reasons why Barack will win the democratic nomination in ‘08:

1. It’s way more fun to sing the “Banana-Fo-Fana” song with Barack’s name than Hilary’s.

2. As opposed to the title of Hilary’s book (It Takes a Village), the title of Barack’s book (The Audacity of Hope) does not induce projectile vomiting.

3. David Palmer was a popular black president for several seasons on the TV show 24.  In contrast, Geena Davis’s Commander in Chief only lasted one season.

4. Let’s compare quotes.  Barack during his popular keynote address at the ‘04 Democratic National Convention:

“No, people don’t expect government to solve all their problems. But they sense, deep in their bones, that with just a change in priorities, we can make sure that every child in America has a decent shot at life, and that the doors of opportunity remain open to all.”

Hilary, during the height of the Clinton scandals:

“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.”

5. Barack has recorded a spoken word album that won a Grammy.  Hilary has chanted incantations that caused her enemies to be torn apart by evil demons.

6. Barack’s spouse, Michelle Obama, is Vice President for Community and External Affairs at the University of Chicago Hospitals.  Hilary’s spouse, Bill, simply has External Affairs.

7. “Barack” means “blessed” in Swahili.  “Hilary” means “she whose bosoms defy gravity” (source: Top Secret!)

8. Hilary: Travelgate.  Barack: Colgate.