Premise: Orphaned children engage in brutal competition for the love of a rich, caring foster father.

Title: “Who’s Your Daddy?”

Emotional notes hit: Cutthroat and tense during the episodes.  At end, triumphant and voyeuristic as audience watches winner orphan go off to a life of comfort and security.  Also tragic and bittersweet as other orphans loaded into vans to be sent into the foster care system, never to be heard from again.

Addendum to above: But loser orphans get consolation prizes.  Wool socks, Pokemon pez dispensers, and assorted kitchen appliances.

Host criteria: Affordable B-list celebrity who is also well-known as a family man.

Addendum to above: Does Steve Guttenberg have children?