Foil paparazzi; always do a panty check before leaving the house.

No more pointless arguments. When people say something that I disagree with, play air guitar until they go away.

Write, produce, and direct grainy, artsy, award-winning documentary When the Party’s Over: What Happens to the Girls Gone Wild.

Increase amount of body art. Not on myself, of course, but others.  Random strangers.  Use chloroform.

Cross WGA picket line; take advantage of industry desperation to revive The Greatest American Hero.

Hack into online Scrabble dictionary so it becomes possible to play perfectly good words like “Fiberkle.”

Ignore sister when she offers idiotic parenting advice. No wait!  That’s a resolution for Jamie Lynn Spears.

Buy hybrid car--i.e., has both CD and mp3 player.

Cut coffee intake in half. Accomplish this by filling up mug with 50% Irish whiskey.

Master taxidermy.