Be less critical and more open to trying new things--unless it’s really obvious that they’re going to suck.

Work out technical bugs in special effects filled finale of my traveling one-man show, The Life and Death of Amelia Earhart.

Prevent paparazzi from selling my topless photos; file lawsuits if necessary.

Buy more mouthwash.  Distribute freely to co-workers, friends, and strangers in need.

According to Buddhism, “You are the architect of your destiny.” That is completely true, and therefore I resolve to do everything Buddhism tells me to do.

Whenever anyone around me makes a declarative statement, chime in and say “In bed.”

Cut back on the career opportunism; it only leads to abductions, brainwashing, and artificial insemination.  No wait!  That’s a Katie Holmes resolution.

Focus more on personal relationships.  Not mine, of course.  Way more fun to interfere with others.

Don’t stress about losing weight. Instead, hold tight until everyone else’s obesity catches up.

Stop using sex as a weapon.