I am excited!  A violent shoot-’em-up movie on cable TV!  I will sit down in a comfy chair to watch it!

THE FOLLOWING PRESENTATION HAS BEEN FORMATTED TO FIT YOUR SCREEN

Uh, okay.  I mean, I think it’s important that it’s been formatted to fit my screen--as opposed to, say, my toaster oven or something.

THE FOLLOWING PRESENTATION HAS BEEN EDITED FOR TIME

Hmmm, well, okay, but--

THE FOLLOWING PRESENTATION HAS BEEN EDITED FOR CONTENT

So, when you say content, you mean the actual movie itself, right?

SWEAR WORDS HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY WEIRD VOICES SAYING SURREAL, NON-OFFENSIVE THINGS LIKE “JERK” AND “DILLWEED.” VIOLENCE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED; PEOPLE BEING SHOT ARE NOW SHOWN TO BE GIVING EACH OTHER HIGH FIVES AND BACKRUBS.  SCENES HAVE BEEN SO HACKED UP THAT THE MOVIE NOW FOLLOWS NO LOGICAL ORDER.  NO ONE GETS NAKED.

You know, I think I’ll go read a book.