There’s been a snag in the sale of my place. I received a nice offer, but then the buyer conducted a home inspection that revealed something behind one of the bathroom walls.

“What is it?” I asked my realtor.

“It appears to be a monster.”

“WHAT?”

“Yes, there’s a monster behind one of your bathroom walls.”

“What kind of monster?”

“Well, the inspector thinks it resembles that beast that tagged Luke Skywalker across the face in The Empire Strikes Back.”

“You mean a Wampa?”

“.........how did you know the actual name?”

“Never mind that. Look, there isn’t a Wampa hiding behind my bathroom wall.”

He shrugged. “The inspection shows otherwise. We’ll have to kill it with a lightsaber. You and the buyer will have to split the costs.”

“I don’t have a lightsaber.”

“Hmm, that means we’ll have to kill it with a balpeen hammer. That will increase the cost.”

“God damn it!”

Well, okay, apparently the inspection actually revealed “a high level of humidity, possibly indicating mold,” rather than a Wampa.  But seriously, it might have well been a Wampa.  There is no mold in my goddamn place.  Except maybe when I forget to clean out my refrigerator sometimes.