The other Greg made me laugh yesterday because he didn’t hear two things I told him which I thought were important, and I asked him why he didn’t hear them, and he said “Because they didn’t make it past my organic spam filter.”

I definitely have an organic spam filter--certain words and phrases that won’t make it into my conscious brain no matter how hard people try to communicate them to me. I’ve listed some of them below (including the ones which have rules attached to them that allow them to bypass the filter under certain conditions).

Last night on [Insert Reality Show Here]
My baby did the cutest thing [RULE: Bypass spam filter if baby involves my niece]
My pet did the cutest thing
Need to redo this
Need to work harder
Need to work overtime
Greatest game
Greatest player [RULE: Bypass spam filter if sport involves beach volleyball or mud wrestling]
Got boils
Got scabs
Taking meds
My therapist said
Get up early
5 a.m.
6 a.m.
7 a.m.
8 a.m. meeting
John Tesh in concert
No Guiness on draft
You should change
You should rethink
You’re wrong
What you said wasn’t funny
What you said wasn’t interesting
You’re too short
You’re too goofy
Let’s just be friends [RULE: Bypass spam filter if phrase includes the words “With benefits"]