I reconsidered my plans to buy a home after I tried out one of those “How much house can you afford” calculators:

SINGLE OR DUAL INCOME?.....Single

LOCATION:.....San Francisco Bay Area

OCCUPATION?.....Marketing

SNICKER—NO REALLY, OCCUPATION?.....Marketing

WHATEVER—OKAY, INHERITANCE?.....No

SUGAR DADDY AND/OR MOMMA?.....No

DO YOU SELL CRACK?.....No

ARE YOU PLANNING TO GO TO COURT TO GET MONEY?  e.g. ARE YOU KEVIN FEDERLINE?.....No

DO YOU HOLD THE PATENT ON DICE?.....No

OTHER INCOME SOURCES?....Change found in the street

PRESS SUBMIT TO SEE HOW MUCH HOUSE YOU CAN AFFORD:.....

Congratulations!  Based on the data that you entered, you can afford:

A SHOEBOX

PLEASE NOTE: Actual size and cost of shoebox may vary for your particular situation.  May require significant upkeep, maintenance, and/or wool socks.

PRESS SUBMIT TO BE CONNECTED TO A LENDER:......Bite Me