During the White House reception for the Nobel winners, Gore was invited for a special, private 30-minute meeting with President Bush.  However, he was unwilling to talk about what they discussed:

“It was a private meeting,” he said, “and I’m not going to say anything about it other than that it was very nice, very cordial. He was very gracious in setting up the meeting, and it was a very good and very substantive conversation. That’s all.”

Fortunately, Geese Aplenty has obtained an exclusive transcript of this historic meeting, which is reprinted below:

BUSH: Thanks for coming in, Al.  Basically, this is about that whole global warming thing, which apparently you know something about.

GORE: I know a little, Mr. President, but hasn’t your administration typically denied the problem’s existence and even tried to discredit it?

BUSH: Bygones. I’m getting more interested in it.

GORE: Well, did you get a chance to see my movie on the topic?

BUSH: Was that the one where The Rock is a football player and discovers he has a cute 8-year old daughter?

GORE: No, that was a comedy called The Game Plan.  My movie was a documentary called An Inconvenient Truth.

BUSH: Then I didn’t see your movie. The only movie I’ve seen in the last three years was the one with The Rock and the cute kid.

GORE: Well, look, I can run through the problem pretty quickly for you. Let me set up my laptop--

(Bush BLANCHES)

GORE: Mr. President! Are you all right?

BUSH: You’re about to start showing me facts and figures, aren’t you?

GORE: Well, I just wanted to give you a summary of the--

BUSH: Al, you don’t work here, so you don’t know. But I’m telling you now.  Nobody shows me facts and figures. Allergies.

GORE: Well, what do you want me to do?

BUSH: Here’s the thing.  I’m getting a little worried about my legacy. I kinda don’t want to just have it be around the Iraq thing.

GORE: Well, you can also be remembered as the first President who was given the office by the Supreme Court.

BUSH: ...

GORE: ...

BUSH ...got a little fire in yer belly still, doncha Al?

GORE: My apologies, Mr. President, I honestly don’t know where that came from.

BUSH: Bygones. Point is, I want you to certify my administration as a Green Administration.

GORE: What?

BUSH: Yeah, everyone says you’re the green guy, so I want you to endorse my greenery.  Give me a big “thumbs up” from the standpoint of the green thing.  Once you do that, people will remember me as the Green President and not the Iraq guy. So what do you say?

GORE: Green President? What does that even mean?  Your policies are not environmentally friendly.

BUSH: Well, can’t you just say that the White House is green? Like, the staff recycles and stuff?

GORE: I’d have to run tests, evaluate the processes, crunch the--

BUSH: Facts and figures.  Al, what did I just tell you.

GORE: My apologies, Mr. President.

BUSH: Look, what can you do?

(pause)

GORE: Tell you what. I am willing to go out there to the mob of reporters outside right now and tell you that, with every fiber of my being, I believe that you are green. Your every action as shown you to be green. Your foreign policy, your domestic policy, your Supreme Court candidates--everything you’ve done for the last seven years has proven that you are truly green.  Many people prefer a president with experience and expertise, but you have shown that it’s possible to get through two terms by being nothing but green.

BUSH: ....there’s something in the way you’re phrasing that that’s actually making fun of me, isn’t there?

GORE: I’m afraid so, Mr. President.

BUSH: Okay, forget the whole thing. Just say nothing to the reporters. Good luck with your Nobel thingie, Al.

GORE: Good luck with your legacy, Mr. President.