1. I may be a lily-livered liberal, but even I was surprised at the election upset in Spain over the weekend.  As a result of the country’s recent terrorist attack, right-wing president Jose Maria Aznar was shown the door and a socialist administration won a landslide victory.

The lesson: when you’re being targeted by a murderous terrorist organization, your first priority is to ensure that the working class isn’t alienated from the means of production.  Brilliant.  I believe this national defense strategy was first detailed in that famous political treatise, The Crackhead Manifesto.

2. Yesterday I was in the company store of a local Ghirardelli chocolate factory.  My friend asked the cashier if the factory gives tours.  She told him, “No, it’s not set up for tours, and so it wouldn’t be safe for visitors.” I said, “Right, I think we all remember what happened to Veruca Salt.” She gave me a blank look.

I am not here to argue for the quality of this particular joke.  I am not suggesting that it be enshrined in the annals of comedy.  I am merely incensed by her apparent bewilderment.  I don’t care if it is a minimum wage cashier’s job; if you work at a Ghirardelli factory, you had damn well better get Willy Wonka references.  That’s like a scientist at N.A.S.A. giving you a puzzled stare and saying “Chewbacca who?”

3. A realization hit me with the force of a thunderclap earlier and for some reason I’m compelled to write it down.  Here goes:

A female celebrity I really despise is Debra Messing.
A female celebrity I really like is Linda Cardellini.

Whew.