It’s not like I update my Twitter anymore than I do this dumb blog, but you’re welcome to visit me there anyway.

Kurt Vonnegut coined the concept of a karass, which is a group of people who are linked together and collectively perform “God’s work,” even if they’re unaware of it.

I always liked this concept, and I recently thought that I understood who was in my personal karass--the people with the same urination schedule as I do.

There appears to be no other connection to us. There appears to be no other alignment in our spiritual and political worldviews. But I began to realize that I saw them consistently in the men’s bathroom at work--because we shared a timetable in regards to when we needed to micturate.

You could say it’s just a coincidence--that we start drinking coffee at the same time every morning, and that our metabolisms digest it the same way, and it burbles up and sends us to the restroom at almost precisely the same time each day.

But I think it’s a sign that our lives are laced together and joined in service of a higher purpose.

I tested this theory the other day. As Ben and I both faced the wall over our respective porcelain companions, I said, “So Ben...have you felt a sense of...purpose lately?”

He said, “Sure.  Going home and getting drunk so I don’t have to think about this goddamn project.”

I said, “But is that truly what we’re meant here to do?”

He looked at me.  “Listen, if you have a problem with my output, take it up with my vice president. I’m not discussing this with you. And it’s not like you’ve been such a hotshot lately either. Your latest press release misspelled the word ‘actionable.’”

He stormed out.  Rick walked in--someone else whom I almost only ran into in the bathroom.  He took Ben’s place, sighing “Boy, that latte went down good and now it’s going to go out the same way.”

I said, “Rick, is there anything important you need to tell me that could have a major impact on both our lives?”

“Hey, Greg, I’m glad you brought that up. There totally is.”

“What is it?”

“You can shut up for a few minutes. When people talk to me while I’m doing my thing, it completely blocks me.”

I’ve noticed that as a result of these sort of conversations, my karass is beginning to look at me differently.  They eye me when I come in the bathroom, and shift nervously until I leave.  I think it’s because the concept is starting to sink in with them. They realize that we’re not just messing around in here; we’re forming a collective that will carry out a sacred quest.  Tomorrow I’ll encourage all of them to keep drinking coffee just like they usually do, because I feel we will be called upon soon to fulfill our mission. Drink up, boys...drink up.

HE: And I found out that Green Day was playing a secret show at the club to practice for their upcoming tour, so I grabbed my videocamera, went there, and totally caught them playing their new single.  Then I uploaded it to YouTube.

ME: Wow.  Really?  You did that? I’ve always wondered who films those things and uploads them. And here I am, talking to one of them. You’re one of them. You’re one of those guys.

HE: Yeah! It’s great!  It’s already got 150,000 views and, like, over 100 comments by people saying how cool it is!

ME: Don’t you worried about getting sued?

HE: Oh no, the record company and the band don’t care. It’s, like, free publicity for them.

ME: Okay, cool. So can I find this masterpiece by doing a search on YouTube for your name?

HE: Well, no, you need to do the search for my alias, Biff Barton.