1. It’s Valentine’s Day.  A time to celebrate love, affection, and tenderness.  The perfect time to see “Daredevil” on opening night and watch a bunch of bad actors in silly outfits beat the living crap out of each other.

2. Label on the “Austin Powers” pinball machine: “Suitable for children of all ages.” When wasn’t a pinball machine suitable for all ages?  Did I miss the Bally’s Porn-o-Rama game?

3. Whenever I go to a concessions stand, all they do is sell me food and drinks.  Wouldn’t it be cool if a concessions stand actually made concessions?  “Listen, sir, you were right about everything you said this entire week.  More people should listen to you.  Also, we’d really appreciate it if you’d take Czechoslovakia--with our compliments.”

4. When movie theater owners die, how are their funeral services scheduled?  Can you attend at 3:30, 5:45, 7:00 or 9:15?