Swine flu is a potential “pandemic” but there’s only been a handful of deaths. The scare has caused people to wear surgical masks--I know this because I’ve seen them, pointed at them, and laughed at them. According to statistics 117 people die each day in automobile accidents in the United States, but I don’t see people walking around with suits of armor. I declare a Cardemic. Cars brought in from foreign countries are resulting in American deaths. This is an excellent reason to stay home from work and school next week.
I recently became aware of someone named “Cookie.” What makes people think that this is a legitimate name for a human being? It made me realize that naming your kids is a lot like going to the supermarket: never do it on an empty stomach. “I’d like you to meet my two beautiful children...Cookie, and her brother Prime Rib.”
Facebook has a new “highlights” section on the right-hand side of the screen, but mine consists solely of a list of dates and times when I logged off.