There are many hats I don’t wear well. For example, the big ten gallon kind that covers up half my face. But also the “home improvements” hat. In particular, I find that it’s dangerous to install new blinds when you know too much pop culture trivia. You end up with an internal monologue like this one:

-Damn it, it’s the wrong kind of screwdriver. I need the other kind...the John Phillip Sousa screwdriver.

-No wait, that’s not it. I need the Herman’s Head screwdriver...no, he was the funny guy with all the split personalities.

-Maybe I need the Murray Head screwdriver...no wait, he was the guy who sang the infectious showtune and ‘80s pop song classic “One Night in Bangkok.”

-Oh right, it’s the Phillips Head screwdriver. The one with the ‘X’ in it. Why don’t they just call it the X-Men screwdriver?

The blinds were eventually installed, but I think I’ve had enough of trying to be Bob Vila. From now on I’ll be Sancho Villa. If something in my apartment breaks, I’m just going to shoot it.