I have no problem with Dustin Diamond, a.k.a. Screech from Saved by the Bell, making a sex tape.  Or even making money from it.  But I have to draw the line at the boasting. Oh my god, the boasting.

He told US Weekly: “"Let’s just say, if I were a small man, it would be worse.”

Oh no he didn’t. Diamond, the fact that you’re even still breathing is TMI, but that comment completely put the whole incident into the end zone.  So to speak.  And what the hell are you bragging about anyway?  You’ll never be as sexually capable as your former Saved by the Bell teacher.  Why do you think they called her Miss Bliss?

In completely unrelated news, I saw a blonde wearing a T-shirt that said “I had a nightmare I was brunette.” Which I liked, although I want to make it clear that I have no particular allegiance in this ages-old conflict.  Please don’t firebomb my home.

In even more unrelated news, here are the last three songs that were stuck in my head so badly that they were literally on repeat for hours and made me want to pry out my brain with an ice cream scoop: “Yankee Bayonet (I Will Be Home Then)” by The Decembrists, “Ooh” by the Scissor Sisters, and “Let’s Make Love and Listen to Death from Above” by Cansei De Ser Sexy.  Now there’s a fourth one, “I Want to Love You in my Room” by Irving, which is still replaying itself.  I figure maybe I can lift the curse in The Ring fashion by forcing other people to listen to it and thus free me from my own nightmare.  Check out the video--although I warn you that I’m more fond of the music than the video, which shows more tongue than Gene Simmons visiting his dentist.