It’s time for this year’s edition of Oscar the Grouch with a look at the Best Picture nominees:

The Aviator. I haven’t seen Martin Scorsese’s new one yet!  I’m very excited!  I love DeNiro! I love mobsters!  I love the gritty streets of...what’s that again?  No DeNiro?  No mobsters?  It’s about some crazy rich guy?  And it stars that 12-year old kid from Titanic?  Christ. What next, Scorsese?  A history of the frilly white parasol?  Loser.

Sideways.  Several wine companies have reported that this movie has significantly boosted sales of pinot noir.  Similarly, several restaurants have reported an increase in pudgy middle-aged men hanging out and trying to be waited on by Virginia Madsen.

Ray.  Although the movie touches upon Ray Charles’s rocky marriage and his battle with drugs, it primarily focuses on his undeniable artistic and commercial successes.  Missing from the film are the facts that he had a marriage prior to the one depicted in the film, that he divorced his second wife in 1977, and that he had more than one illegitimate child (he left behind a total of twelve children).  Apparently, however, all of this will be included in an upcoming “Director Cut the BS” edition.

Million Dollar Baby.  As it’s not possible to rant about this movie without spoiling key plot points, the following paragraph is in “inviso text” (swipe it with your cursor to read it):
When I was a kid, Clint Eastwood killed bad guys with guns.  These days he just kills girls in hospital beds.  Some say this is a career progression, but I say bite your tongue.  (But don’t do it hard enough to get blood on the sheets.  Clint hates that.)