The other day I passed a tax service.  They had a sign in the window that said “We specialize in hard to find deductions!”

I got very excited, because I had no idea you could make a living at that.  I collect hard to find deductions as a hobby, but I never thought about doing it full time.

I think I could pull it off, though.  Here’s an example of some of my recent finds:

If you work with someone who frames a “Who’s Who in America” certificate in his or her office, you need to immediately terminate all professional association with that individual.

Although it’s a crime in some quarters to argue with the wisdom of Jedi masters--well, my quarters, anyway--it’s not true that “There is no try; there is only do, or do not.” There is still a huge gray area across the entire continuum which I have termed “procrastination.”

If you’re having a friendly conversation with a vendor, but that vendor then ends the conversation with “Thank you for visiting with me!”, then you know that the person is not actually friendly or happy that you visited with them but rather a serpentine representative of the deepest circles of Hell.

The convention wisdom is that airlines can’t get back at you like waiters can; it can’t, for example, spit in your food.  But remain wary.  If an airline is unhappy with the people aboard a certain flight, it will wait until it’s almost ready to unload the passengers--which is after you’re no longer allowed to listen to your iPod--and then pipe in post-Lion King era Elton John through the speakers.

Banana Republic used to have good clothes, but the quality has decreased in direct proportion to rising prices.  It’s like the designers have just stopped caring. Five years from now, they will offer a spool of red and white thread for around $300.  This will be “casual wear” shirt to be worn with an accompanying “casual blazer” spool of black thread.

I figure I can sell each of those deductions for about $20 each.