I usually swear by Turbo Tax but this year I had a few complexities so I went to a tax professional that my brother recommended. These guys are great. You hand them your papers, and they look and them and shuffle them around and then they peer at you intently:
“You have a bit of secondary income.”
“Yes, I took on a few freelance writing jobs.”
“And when you’re writing your little words, do you ever stop and scratch your head because you can’t figure out a sentence?”
“I guess so...”
“And do you ever scratch your head so hard that you need band aids?”
“Well--”
”Right. Three crates of band aids for a year’s worth of freelance work--business expense deduction. Now, do you ever drink anything when you’re writing?”
“Sure, I guess so.”
“What do you drink?”
“Iced tea, maybe juice--”
“Because it’s very bad to get dehydrated when you’re writing, correct? Dozens of people die a year due to freelance dehydration?”
“I’m not sure that--”
”Right. Five pallets of Ocean Spray--business write off.”
“Hooray!”
Note to the person with the IRS address who sometimes visit this site: This conversation was exaggerated for comic effect, and there’s absolutely nothing untoward, unseemly, or suspicious about my tax return. I would have written this post differently in order to make that more clear, but it’s extremely hard to type when my fingers are covered in band-aids.
Man, everyone knows great writers don’t drink Ocean Spray! TEQUILA!! VODKA!! WHISKEY!!
At least write off some COOL fake beverages.
Your exorbitant use of band aids disturbs me very much.
I scratch my head in dismay.
Rent for your home office? Computer? Electricity to power said computer? Gas to drive to Best Buy to purchase computer supplies? Toilet paper used during bathroom breaks while writing? It never ends! It’s all deductible!
My boss is an architect, and he claims 100% of his vehicle costs as a deduction, because he says that no matter where he is driving, even to the grocery store, he is looking at buildings and thinking of designs. How can you argue with that??
Don’t forget the kitchen sink.
I bet it’s also extremely hard to type when you’re all hopped up on Ocean Spray.
suddenly all the keys look like cranberries ...
does this tax professional have any cohorts on the east coast?
Damn, I should have used your guy, I owe a grand & I had zero complexities!
I love my tax professional so much that I would gladly ‘do’ her if she wasn’t:
a) a female type person
b) an elderly female type person
The woman has a flair for deductibles like Britney Spears has a flair for trashy.
I thought all those tricks up the sleeves were well worth the 5% of the return that we paid.
I’ve been writing off my bathroom as my “office” for years.
Thanks for always making me laugh!!
Hey I am just a clerk at the Infernal. So you’re exemptions are yours alone. Your secret dies with me! I will say to anyone reading...as long as you got receirts, you have nothing to worry about.
(wink)
I loved that I was able to deduct things like “charitable contributions” and “school supplies” this year. Those categories just leave so much room for creativity.