It’s not often that I get to do exclusive interviews on this site, but today I’m proud to present an interview with the individual who is currently one of the most famous, successful, and admired individuals in the world at the moment--Batman. He had a rough start as an orphan who lost his parents to crime, but then he bounced back by waging war on the underworld and devoting himself to the protection of his city.
 | Welcome, Batman, and congrats on being in the summer’s biggest blockbuster. |
 | I am vengeance. |
| You bet you are. And listen, with boffo box office for your recent film, you must be feeling pretty good about yourself. What do you think is the secret of your success? |
| I am vengeance. |
| Yeah, look, that’s actually the main thing I wanted to ask you. That thing you’re doing right there--it’s the only thing about you that really gets on my nerves. |
| You dare? You dare question that vengeance is my mission, my purpose, my birthright? |
| No no. The vengeance thing is great. In fact, I pretty much feel the same way whenever someone cuts in front of me without using a turn signal. But I was referring to your voice. |
| What’s wrong with my voice? | | You’re way overdoing the deep, raspy thing. It pulled me out of the first movie, and the second one was great but the voice still bothered me. Michael Keaton didn’t over do it--hell, even George Clooney handled the dual personas without drawing too much attention to himself. So what’s your problem? |
| What exactly are you saying? |
| I’m saying that when young Bruce Wayne went in search of great teachers, such as martial artists and world-famous detectives, you should have gone a little heavier on the vocal coaches and a little lighter on the method actors. |
| YOU ARE ALIGNED WITH EVIL AND VILLAINY. YOU WILL FEEL MY WRATH. |
| And you know what’s even more annoying? You do it in front of people like Rachel and Lucius, who know who you are. I’m surprised they’re not all ‘Bruce, we get it, you’re a badass. Now stop pretending you have a 6-pack a day habit.’ What is the third movie in the series going to be called, anyway? “Batman Enunciates”? |
 | ...... |
| ...Batman?... |
| ...... |
| Okay! I totally meant to end the interview early. So that’s it for now. Be here next time when we ask The Hulk why Dora the Explorer looks more realistic and three-dimensional than he does. |
If Batman knows where you live or work, feel free to come live with your parents for a while until Batman’s need for vengeance blows over.
I am surprised he didn’t push you!
I feel compelled to mention that I saw this after I posted this.
Thank you. And seriously, I think everyone in the world could have suspended their disbelief enough to pretend no one recognized his voice. He’s not exactly Casey Kasem or anything. Besides, isn’t it a little ridiculous that Bruce can afford billions of dollars worth of fancy equipment, but couldn’t spring for some basic voice-alteration technology? Come on.
Pretty funny. I do love Christian Bale as an actor, but he does kind of get caught up in his roles. Maybe the raspiness is to mask his British accent.
I’m glad you addressed this problem, Greg. Thanks for giving it the attention it deserves.
Ooh, if I hit page-up and page-down really fast, I can make your face blend into Batman’s. Thanks for the cool online flipbook, Cousin Greg!
This was my one major complaint about The Dark Knight - what in the hell was up with his voice? Not only was it conspicuously dumb, but it would have done major damage to the “real” Bruce Wayne’s vocal cords. Who could remember to talk like that every time they communicated as their alter ego? Thanks for a hilarious post.
WHERE does your crazy mind come up with this stuff?
Actually, I dont care where, cause it’s funny!
I’m not sure how I got here, but that’s hilarious. I was so annoyed with his voice during the movie that it actually distracted me. That and the inner dialogue about whether I was betraying my love for Jack Nicholson by thinking Heath Ledger was a better Joker.