In response to a previous post, someone expressed disappointment that I’m not like Han Solo.  Well, it’s true--he married a princess from Alderaan, is a crack shot with a laser pistol, and represents the epitome of coolness for an entire generation.  Still, we do have some similarities.  In the interests of painting a more complete picture, I wanted to list them here.

1. We are both followed around by a large, fuzzy thing who acts human but isn’t.  He has Chewbacca, and I have my roommate’s cat.

2. People call his trusty ship, the Millenium Falcon, a “hunk of junk.” I hear the same thing about my Honda Civic.

3. Han played a key role in erradicating the forces of evil from the universe.  I recycle bottles, cans, and paper products as appropriate.

4. Han is played by actor Harrison Ford, who turns on Callista Flockhart.  (She recently agreed to marry him.) In the past, I have “turned on” Callista Flockhart by activating my television in preparation for watching “Ally McBeal.”

5. Prior to joining the rebel alliance, Han made his living as a smuggler.  I have smuggled several cans of Foster’s beer into various movie theaters.

6. Han was once frozen in a block of carbonite.  I was born in Alaska, where it can be very cold.

7. Han has trouble kickstarting his ship into hyperspace.  I have trouble breaking a nine-minute mile.

8. At times Han’s ship completely sputters and shuts down.  At times my computer performs an “illegal operation” and shuts down.  (Said illegal operation might indeed be another kind of smuggling, which would add to the smuggling similarity already mentioned in #5.)

9. Han is pursued relentlessly by bounty hunters.  I am pursued relentlessly by jury duty summons.

10. We both have noses.

You know how English teachers always end their lectures with some inane homily like “There’s a little Jane Eyre/David Copperfield/Hamlet in all of us”?  Well, I really do think there’s a little Han Solo in all of us.  It’s just that there’s more in me than in most of you.

Separated at birth?