Having recently completed finalizing a Mission, Vision, and Value statement for my company, I’m pretty sensitive to how these things work. And I can safely say that the ones for the Transportation Security Administration pretty much suck:
Really? Innovation, Integrity, Intensity, and Imagination?
I’m okay with Integrity. But don’t the rest of these pretty much scare the hell out of you?
Innovation: “The x-ray machine is broken. Rather than have all of us wait around until it’s fixed, can you please come over here and dump out your bag and also take off all your clothes? Don’t worry, it’s completely okay to do this--one of the TSAs values is ‘Innovation.’”
Intensity: “Sir, can you please open your bag for me? And do it RIGHT NOW? BEFORE I FRICKIN’ RAM YOUR HEAD OPEN WITH THIS STEEL BAR?”
Imagination: Just to provide some more color around this one, the actual value statement reads: ‘I am the frontline of defense, drawing on my imagination to creatively protect America from harm.’ So how would this work, exactly? “Don’t worry as you go through the x-ray, my friends--I stand at the ready with Neal, my trusty unicorn, to protect us from terrorists!”
Remind me to take the bus.
damn it, TSA missed a golden opportunity here. seriously, can someone photoshop a pair of glasses on this model?
I am TSA
I am 4 ‘I’s
I stand at the ready with Neal, my trusty unicorn
Never before have I wanted to have sex with a blogger before, but I think I’ve just crossed that barrier.
Imagination is my favorite. I never really thought of security as a viable career path for liberal art majors. Maybe it means they ‘imagine’ you blowing up the plane/bus/whatever transportation because you’re wearing a headwrap?
Dude. Seriously. You are killing me here. Nearly died from laughing.
Also, I am imagining the guy with the unicorn in the imaginary commercial running through my head is Neal Patrick Harris from Harold and Kumar 2, riding the unicorn and pointing off towards freedom and rainbows and happy, happy people, free of terrorists because they’ve all been bludgeoned to death by the intense guy.
Hahahaha..for some reason this made me think of that scene in “Lost in Translation” where the Japanese director of the commercial talks for 5 minutes, and then the translator says to Bill Murray, “He is saying, do it with GREATER INTENSITY!”
Yeah, intensity from government people is very, very scary.
What about the peering eye? I feel like the TSA is peeping through gaps in bathroom stalls.
I hereby invoke Hall & Oats