You might say to me: Greg, what are the chances that your brother and his wife will decide to start a family? A few weeks ago, I would have said “Right. They’re a pair of DINKS (Dual Income, No Kids). You’re more likely to see Donald Rumsfeld joining Earth First.”
Of course, if you asked me now, I’d say that my sister-in-law is expecting a girl who will arrive in April.
When I was first told the news, I thought--
Well, actually, I didn’t think anything at first. That’s because I couldn’t hear myself think. My brother was too busy boasting about the fact that he and his wife only had to try a week before succeeding: “My boys know how to aim.” And then he did a little motion in the air that looked like John Travolta having an aneurysm.
But as soon as I could hear myself think, I thought: “I’m going to have to be an uncle.” And I immediately thought of the only role model I’ve ever known: my uncle Dan. And that made me aware of how families get stuck in patterns that repeat themselves from generation to generation, and not always in a good way: my uncle Dan wasn’t necessarily the best role model for an uncle that one could imagine. But I thought of him instantly. Because he’s all I knew.
Let me clarify. He wasn’t a bad guy. In fact, in the beginning, he was awesome. He wrestled with me and my brother while keeping coins locked up tight in his clamped palms; you had to pry open his fingers in order to get the goods. And he took us on walks with his metal detector, in which he’d sweep the ground looking for sunken treasure. The metal detector made a beeping sound when it hovered over metal, and each time we thought we might be millionaires. And so we were, if by “millionaires” you mean “proud owners of bottle caps.”
You might think: hey, all of these stories involve money. Well, yeah. What’s your point? Uncle Dan kicked ass.
Until he completely fell out of touch with us. He moved away and didn’t leave any contact information. To this day, we’re not sure where he is.
Reasons have been advanced for this behavior:
Or it could be a combination.
This happened years ago, so I haven’t had an uncle for a while. I’m not sure one needs an uncle. I have fully functioning parental units, and a sibling unit who is more than fully functioning--
(Just ask him about it. Travolta with an aneurysm, I tell you.)
But, I mean, I liked Dan. And I wanted him around. So as I think of the only uncle role model I’ve ever known, as well as the tendency for family members to repeat each other’s mistakes through the generations, I have come to two conclusions:
1. I should be a really kickass uncle just like Dan was in the early years. I mean, maybe the girl won’t want to wrestle for coins or whatever. But I’ll come up with something else. Maybe skeet shooting or wildebeest hunting.
2. I will never, ever leave her as long as I have anything to say about it.
And so I won’t.
Posted by Greg at 03:55 AM. Filed under:
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That’s awesome! Just don’t turn into one of those tiresome tickling uncles.
i think you’ll make a great uncle. in fact, i’d go so far as to venture that you’ll be the second greatest ever, after uncle kracker, who’ll always be #1.
because you may be a snarky, wrestling uncle, but he’ll swim through your veins like a fish in the sea.
my sister is supposed to have a baby the day i graduate. six days after that, i’m supposed to move to houston.
i’m not going to be able to be an aunt, and the thought of that makes me really really sad.
i’m going to be just like my uncle doug… that weird relative who you never really remember exists until it’s time for a visit. and, even then, last time they were here you were 3, but now you’re 5 and your whole world is different and uncle doung has to get to know you all over again.
Staying around seems to be most of the battle...so stay tight on that one and all will be fine...and she’ll LOVE the wildebeast hunting I’m sure!
I’m going to be an uncle in February, so I have you beat. Unless you want to get into war over this.
Bring on the oxytocin!
* way to go, Greg’s brother. And try to get that dance on video - I’m sure it’ll be a bit hit at someone’s sweet 16 party.
* On behalf of Dans everywhere, we regret that your uncle absconded. It sounds like he had a lot on his mind. I hope he’s okay, but if you still want to wrestle someone for a few clutched coins, I’ll fill a wading pool with olive oil and find you a suitable opponent. It’s the least a Dan can do.
She will love coin wrestling. I strongly recommend getting her a piggy bank for said coins.
aw, this is sweet. will you be MY uncle?
please don’t say anything twisted about that. you too, bryan.
I think you will be the best uncle ever!
You can wear that Sylvester the Cat suit for her.
Always on about the Sylvester the Cat suit. I should post about that sometime.
uh....Sylvester the Cat suit? YEAH...a post is called for now!
always have gum or candy on hand. kids dig that.
bribery with treats will get you everywhere.
I love getting my nieces and nephews wired and then taking them home for their parents to deal with.
that was very sweet. i’m not a betting woman, but i’m willing to put good money down that you’ll be a terrific uncle. ::sigh:: where’s a good heart smiley when you need one? :D
I have 2 adorable neices. They are COMPLETE opposites of each other, but more fun than words can say. Don’t worry about the whole wresteling thing… chances are your neice will be able to kick your ass before she’s 5… just like mine can.
We both already think the world of you. You will be a great uncle and we love you.
Wow, the niece can type already?? I knew she’d end up with my brains.
I never had much contact with my extended family. Heck I was lucky to have much contact with my immediate family. We’re close that way.
I wish we had been together more.
Awwwww. Very sweet. No wonder the internet ladies throw themselves at your feet.
Just don’t ever yell at her for walking on your freshly shampooed carpet. Or tell her about all of the decapitations you saw during your detective days. And for god’s sake, let her take a picture of you on her wedding day where you aren’t indulging the middle finger.
i got misty
Congratulations! I’m sure you’ll be a totally kick-ass uncle, Sylverster the cat suit and all!
Congrats! I love being an aunt. I think you will be a very cool uncle.
that was a wonderful post. you’ll kick ass as an uncle. bless you.