If the show weren’t already ending this season, I might just have to stop watching “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” Not because I don’t still love the series in its seventh season, but because its star, Sarah Michelle Gellar, is such a yogurt head that it pains me physically every time I read an interview with her.*

It’s not that she’s dumb.  She seems reasonably able to breathe and walk without assistance from others, but her worldview is clearly distorted from being an actress all her life.  She always says something that just makes me want to slap her.  And her latest quirky quotable?  Her explanation of why she’s quitting the show after seven seasons:

“This isn’t about leaving for a career in movies, or in theater--it’s more of a personal decision. I need a rest. Teachers get sabbaticals. Actors don’t.”

Actually, you know what, I retract this entire tirade in progress.  Now that I’ve written down her words, I really do see her point.  Sarah’s right.  It’s so much easier being a teacher than a highly paid actress.

After all, do teachers have to memorize pages and pages of dialogue, fight choreography, and stunts?  Heck no.  They get to just hang out with students all day and maybe correct some homework.  It’s like a working vacation.

And after all, do teachers have to worry about heavy income tax payments or keeping up appearances on a lavish Hollywood lifestyle?  No sireebob.  With an average salary of $45,000, they are spared the burden of all those crushing financial decisions.

And after all, did they offer Sarah first crack at being Daphne in this summer’s masterpice, “Scooby Doo”?  No way.  They went to tons of high school teachers first.  Only after Mr. Baldrick, a physics teacher from North Dakota, turned down the role because he had “too much grading to do” did they finally relent and say, oh okay, let’s talk to that blonde chick from the show with the vampires.

Some of you live in Los Angeles.  If you see Sarah--just give her a slap from me.  All right?  Thanks.