Things that have made me happy lately:
Hosting my friend Wendy this week while she’s on vacation from her foreign service post in Afghanistan. However, I was disappointed that she didn’t bring me some poppies.
Passing a sign in a jeweler’s window that reads “WATCH BATTERIES DONE RIGHT.” Thank God for that. I’m so tired of people screwing up this highly difficult and sophisticated process. How many times have I asked for new watch batteries, only to have some incompetent say “No problem. Please open up your right nostril so we can insert the battery, which will be linked to your watch by means of this cable wire.”
Exchanging email pleasantries with John August after he linked to me on his screenwriting blog. Go was funny!
Realizing that I could have a Coffee Name.
Background:
- (I order coffee)
- Yes, and your name?
- Greg.
- Craig?
- Greg.
- Gary?
- GREG.
- Oh right! It’s those names with all the vowels.
- Yeah, I always forget just to say “Jim” or something.
- Yes! Everyone needs a coffee name.
From now on, Greg no longer orders coffee. But BARTHOLOMEW does.
Putting titles on posts that have nothing to do with the content.
Posted by Greg at 01:04 PM.
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and I read that and thought, “I want to see batteries done right! But maybe watching them being done wrong would be more fun.” eh. It was a long day.
would I actually have to drink coffee in order to have a coffee name? I always get hung up on the details.
The problem is that you don’t have that instinctual reaction to Bartholomew. Decades of having your parents yell “GREG” whenever you’ve done something wrong breeds a strong reflex.
A better alternative would be BARTHOLOGREG.
I’ve used coffee names for years. Only it doesn’t realy work if you frequent the same shop every morning.
When possible, post titles should reveal as little as possible about the actual post. I like to use random song lyrics or movie quotes but, then again, I’m a raging geek.
but ... but ... bartholomew, if that IS your real name, your coffee-name has even more vowels than your street-side pseudonym. pardon me, for i am literal and easily confused.
i liked the watch-battery story, though.
But at least “Greg” doesn’t sound like the sort of conjunction people use to restart commentary after a brief pause. I’m always turning my head only to find some total stranger was just saying “AN...D then there was that whole other thing with the jellied tortoise - my God, what the heck was he thinking?” which is obviously not the sort of situation in which I want to embroil myself, and is certainly not going to get me any closer to that cup of coffee.
May the power of geese compel you . . . to clean out your locker. (Joaquin Phoenix, Ladder 49)
Jellied tortoise: they eat such strange things in Minneapolis.
My bagel name is Annie. as is my sushi take out name. pizza take out name, and craigslist casual encounters name.
“Your powers are useless against me!”
My coffee name is Danadu, which gets mangled every time. It is supposed to rhyme perfectly with Xanadu. It usually sounds like ‘duhnahdoooo????’
I will be very tempted to propose to the first person (any gender) that gets it right.
Holy crap… after 30 years of having a name that no one can spell or process as a real name, it never occurred to me that I could have a fake food-ordering name. Unbelievable. The world has opened.
I too like to watch batteries done right. It’s a beautiful thing to behold.
My coffee name?? Zeus.
Then again, that’s my name in many contexts.
-- david
whenever my (late) grandfather ordered anything and was asked for his name, he responded, “number 14.”
I have always used a bar name....(heather) but never thought about using a coffee name AND that would make my life much simpler. EVERY frikkin day I have to borrow the sharpie from the barista after I get my venti soy vanilla no water chai and scratch off the name they make up and put my real name. No one has ever spelled it right:) Then there was the day I realized my name, if you forget the L is Meanie....realization occured when the DORK behind the register couldn’t even write the letters as I spelled it out. Can’t wait to see the looks when I tell them my (coffee) name is Jim!
My coffee/bagel/pizza name is Kelly, but I never think to use it when ordering take-out. It is as if I trust face-to-face interaction less than phone conversation.
Thanks for the next therapy topic.