Passages I’ve decided not to include in the novel I’m writing.

“It’s always been you,” she breathed, her chest heaving like a freshman at college who had too many beers to drink at her first frat party.

As he reluctantly bathed in the shower of oncoming gunfire, he wondered how the bullets in his chest could be so hot even while his body was becoming increasingly colder.

“You and I will never be together.” Her eyes flashed like an exhibitionist in an oversized raincoat.

“I hate the rain,” she sighed. “Sometimes I see me dead in it. As well as tax audited.”

“Yes, that was your father,” the white whale responded, nonplussed. “He vanished under the waves with my Dad and they were never seen again.  I tracked you down using genealogical records.  You, Abu, are Ahab’s last living descendant--and frankly, I hope you’ve been keeping your harpoon sharpened, because I am plenty pissed.”

I don’t know. They’re all so good. I think your novel will suffer the losses but you know best I’m sure.

Posted by Patricia  on  11/24  at  01:44 PM

Haha, I especially love the last one. That sounds like the opening to a wonderful sequel, if ever I heard one.

Posted by Hestial  on  11/24  at  03:24 PM

Yeah but would your novel be as funny without them?

Posted by DM  on  11/24  at  04:00 PM

ROFL.

Have you ever thought of a career as a romance novelist?

Posted by teahouseblossom  on  11/24  at  08:34 PM

Abu replies, “Can’t we all just get along?”

Posted by  on  11/25  at  07:08 AM

I like the phrase “plenty pissed”! I may start using that in real life smile

Posted by FENICLE  on  11/25  at  08:19 PM

“‘You and I will never be together.’ Her eyes flashed like an exhibitionist in an oversized raincoat.”

Wow. That’s stunning. It’s better than a jar of olives on the top of a Christmas tree.

-- david

Posted by David Amulet  on  11/27  at  01:53 PM

i don’t know, really identify with the first one so maybe it’s not all that bad?

=)

Posted by  on  11/27  at  02:12 PM

So I see that you haven’t been cured of your razor wit. Might I suggest a 12-step?

Posted by Jules  on  12/01  at  09:32 PM

Ah yes. Heaving like a freshman. May I say that I have lived that simile?

Posted by bohémienne  on  12/02  at  07:52 PM

“Sometimes I see me dead in it.” God, I love him.  That one in particular’s my favorite book, y’know.

-F

Posted by Lana  on  12/06  at  03:59 AM

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