I noticed that Gwyneth Paltrow was on Inside the Actors Studio this weekend. I didn’t watch it, but I don’t really think of Paltrow as an actress. She’s just someone who looks like a duck and occasionally annoys me by wandering onscreen and reciting lines. Therefore, I figure that the host-guy of Actors Studio probably said something like “We know you haven’t really studied the craft of acting and therefore have never been inside an actor’s studio, but don’t worry. We’ll ask you questions about being inside green rooms instead so you won’t be intimidated. For example:
What kinds of green rooms have you been in?
Which green rooms are your favorite?
Do they keep different kind of snacks in green rooms?
Do you ask for specific kinds of bottled water to be kept in your green rooms?
Is your fondness for bottled water the reason that you resemble a duck?”
And so on.
A rumor circulated this weekend that Paltrow was expecting another baby with her husband, Chris Martin of the band Coldplay--
--and excuse me, but what the hell kind of band name is Coldplay? It’s just two unrelated words stuck together. I wonder what names the band rejected before coming up with that one:
Redfoot
Moonstomp
Earnose
Nutsack
Biznatch
--anyway, so they might have another baby, but I won’t make a cheap joke about the fact they named their first child “Apple.” I can make fun of Paltrow and Martin all I want, but even I know that they won’t choose another fruit name; they’ll go 180 degrees in the other direction. So let me just say how much I’m looking forward to the arrival of young Asparagus.
Hahaha, I wish I’d seen that. I like Will Ferrell’s impression of that host better than watching the original. He asks the dumbest questions.
And I bet they’ll name their second kid Bob or Jane.
My perusing of a recent Rolling Stone gave me the fascinating insight that the name of the band came from a very little know collection of poems. So little known that the author did not know he had sold any books.
No info on the origin of Apple’s name.
Once Jennifer Lopez and Elton John graced the actor’s studio set, I think anything goes. I’m not a huge Lipton fan, but hearing him recite bios that include MTV and Blockbuster Movie Awards makes me feel very sad for him.
I’m hoping they’ll go in a different direction. How about Eagle or Gazelle? They have a certain amount of charm I say. *ahem*
ACK! I do not heart Gwynethpthth or Coldplay. She, of the excessively pursed lips and he, of the unshaven dirty boys should be forced to shop at Payless Shoe Source and Lane Bryant for all eternity!
i thought i was the only one who found Gwyneth Paltrow annoying in the extreme. i’d like to throw an apple at her.
Heh, you said Nutsack.
Mmmmm, young asparagus…
Didn’t they make fun of Chris Martin on either SNL or Mad TV this weekend? It was pretty hilarious. Don’t know much about Chris Martin, but I gather from the skit that he is pretty self-centered.
ah but monsieur howard you have missed the nature of the two words stuck randomly together. the words must be an adjective and a verb, each of which can also be understood in a different context as a noun.
other possibilities might be :
blondestop
bluehorse
warmworm
dearheat
greenroom
but honestly, thanks to your post, i find myself hoping they name their next child nutsack.
The last comment you made on my site sorta freaked me out. Not because of the comment itself, but because YOU made it. Seemed unlike you, but what do I know?
I was giggling uncontrollably from the first “looks like a duck”. I now know that your site is not worksafe, Greg. Thanks. Now what do I do to procrastinate?
Is it sad that I’ve become fond of the name Moonstomp? Surely it would be a good name for a band…
It’s probably easier to understand the appeal of naming a child Apple if your own name is Gwyneth. Anyway, she may be no actress, but as far as I can tell she doesn’t have any big plastic pillow sewn into her chest, so that’s one for sanity. Quack on, hippie chicks of America.
They HAVE to name it something weird. My best friend ran into that problem when she named her first child Tarquin - that was a lifelong love of that name but with her second she stressed “What can I do?” she said “I have to come up with a creative name for this one - I cant just be like, this is Tarquin and this is Fred. He’ll know I gave up.” Of course, I call her second child Fred anyway.
Nope, Asparagus is taken by the little tyke from Veggie Tales. Have you lost touch with the entire universe, man??
P.S. I am so glad I decided against naming my daughter Gwnyeth. It would have been an unfortunate coincidence to have her named as such just as the big G was cresting. Instead, I named her Daphne just as the Scooby Doo movie came out.
*runs in circles, holding tufts of hair*
I have a friend whose daughter is half Samoan and half Hawaiian. I can never remember her name. All I remember is how this darling little girl can whack the fuck out of a pinata. Hencefore from that day she has been known to me as Slugger.
If I ever have a daughter, I’m calling her Slugger.
Is Biznatch legal in this state?