Discuss our current projects, introduce the key players, shake everyone’s hand--and then immediately after the meeting, send each person a Friendster request.
Spend the hour talking about how Amway isn’t really a pyramid scheme.
Glare at everyone in the room and snarl, “You’re even worse looking than the last lot.”
Roll up my shirt and start pointing at imaginary scars from fights with various sharks.
Walk in back of each person while talking, occasionally saying “duck duck”...and then tap someone on the shoulder, shout “Goose,” and run around the room expectantly.
Collect five dollars from each person to keep the presentation under 30 minutes.
Grab at people’s faces and show them my thumb between my fingers, exclaiming “Aha! Got your nose.”
Have each person say their name and something interesting about themselves--while sitting on my lap.
But that would be really, really funny. And put those stupid welcome videos to shame.
You could be on to something with that $5.00 thing, though. I know I’d pay $20.00 to get some of my meetings under 5 minutes.
“Collect five dollars from each person to keep the presentation under 30 minutes” I’m giving a talk in November to a group of people who are being forced to listen. I think I’ll set the price at $50, and if I collect, I’ll share with you.
You left out personal financial questions…
How much is your rent?
How much was your wedding?
How much is your car payment?
man, it’s the new millenium....we do ‘devil’s got your nose’ with horns sticking up.
Duck. Duck. Duck. GEEEEESE!!!
Hmm, been doing a lot of babysitting recently?
Re Amway not being a pyramid. My sister tried to tell me they are not a pyramid because the FCC said they weren’t a pyramid. My response was “Well, the jury said OJ was innocent, but that doesn’t make it so.” (This was pre-Michael Jackson, but the names are interchangeable!)
Do you ever bust out in song and live your fantasy of being a rock star? I bet you’re killer at air guitar.
Your meetings sound like a lot of fun compare to what I’ve had to endure.
I especially like the one about sitting on your lap.
Heehee
I don’t understand what’s so unacceptable about the shark bite thing.
I wish I’d read this before today’s meeting, I could’ve cleared $100, easily.
Uh Greg, it’s duck-duck-slut.
Or duck duck dick??
But you still wore your cape and Geese Man suit and had a little easel with helpful messages, just like your header suggests, right?
You should write a business themed book with all the things you’ve learned.
Please to explain why Amway is not pyramid scheme!!
i find that impersonations of Lumbergh often help new hires feel way comfortable in their new place of employment:
“ahh, I’m going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday, too...”
“okay, who smells that?”
all present express ignorance.
shout “he who denies it, supplies it” and wave legal-sized manilla folders at everyone till they leave in disgust. then eat the catered lunches they left behind, or at least the cookies.