GIRL IN BAR: There’s certain books I hate to look at. Because you turn it over and you see the author’s picture, and she’s beautiful and her bio shows that she’s written four other books and she lives with her husband and her dogs in one of two houses on either coast and she’s my goddamn age.
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DRUNK GUY (sitting and tearing up credit card): Heh. Heh. Heh. Look, I’m tearing up this credit card.
FRIEND: That’s good, as long as you’re not planning to use any credit cards.
DRUNK GUY: Well, not this one.
(long pause)
DRUNK GUY: I have another one, though.
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GUY #1: Here, use these matches to light the birthday cake.
GUY #2: Whoa, that’s a Franz Ferdinand matchbook!
GUY #1: Uh, yeah.
GUY #2: If I had a Franz Ferdinand matchbook, I wouldn’t be actually using the matches. I’d probably put it on my bookshelf next to other geek ornaments such as my bowling pin.
GUY #1: Here, take it.
GUY #2: What? No, I was just kidding.
GUY #1: Seriously, take it. I work in a music store; they send them to me. I’ve got a ton of them.
Sadly, I was Guy #2.
Heh, Guy #2. Franz Ferdinand, though. I mean, how many matchbooks can they have made?
I’d have put the matchbook next to my Hold Steady lighter if it was me. Just saying.
I understand Girl in Bar. I feel that way every time I read a book and the plot line is almost non-existant or you find 453 grammatical and spelling errors in the first chapter. And I think “I could do this. I could write a book. If I had an actual plot.”
I think the fact that you’re Guy #2 is kind of cool. But then I like geeks. No clue who Franz Ferdinand is though.
How does one tear up a credit card? With bare hands? Because the ones I have seem to be made of space-age polymers that would break pipe cutters.
Wait, wait! Do you like KNOW Guy #1?!? Can you get ME a Franz Ferdinand matchbook? Because that is so totally cool, OMG!!!!
Oh guy #2, you must be steaming with envy as I sit here admiring my new ‘This American Life’ temporary tattoo.
Course the funny thing is that I knew as I read it that you were Guy #2. I might have been reading your blog for too long....
Girl in Bar shouldn’t feel bad if that author is Tama Janowitz.
I would like to see your geek ornament shelf.
I’ve had the same thoughts as GIRL IN BAR. I don’t read the author bios anymore.
That is a pretty damn cool matchbox.
totally effing jealous.