Me: Disneyland is better than other theme parks because you can look at cool stuff even when you’re standing in line.
She: True.
Me: Indiana Jones is the best, but even Space Mountain has been retrofitted with viewscreens.
She: Well, uh…
Me: Yes?
She: I don’t want to frighten you with my Space Mountain tirade.
Me: Listen, most people don’t have a Space Mountain tirade. If you ask 99.9% of people their opinion about Space Mountain, they’ll say “huh?” If you have a tirade, I want to hear it.
She: Well, standing in line at Space Mountain used to be about mood and anticipation. Everything was arranged to make you feel nervous about the ride. It was all dark, and there was this black wall over which you could hear the screams of the people. By the time you actually got to the ride, you were terrified. Now they have these TV sets. The glow from the screens wrecks the mood, and they also wreck the feeling of anticipation by having crappy Fed Ex commercials. Fed Ex? Who the hell wants to hear about Fed Ex standing in a line at Disneyland? And they’re not even good commercials although they’re straining to be clever and funny.
(a beat)
I’ve said too much.
Me: That was great.
She: Come on.
Me: Seriously. I’m all turned around on this issue now.
Posted by Greg at 03:14 AM. Filed under:
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Those Fed Ex commercials are fucking awesome. Seriously, the lines are golden. I’m not kidding.
“We need that stabilizer! You did use Fed Ex?!”
“Actually we used Ozone Express. THEY had a coupon. And they said they’d get it here fast or else.”
“Or else what?”
“Or else they’ll feel...really bad?
“Idiot! YAHHHHH!” *shot of ship on string spiralling out of control*
Good times. Never let anyone knock Space Mountain or those Fed Ex ads. I swear I’m not crazy....