I hate this time of year. Not because of the pressure of the holidays, or because it gets darker earlier, or even because it’s the down time between seasons of Battlestar Galactica. No, it’s because this time every year, 95% of people who write personal blogs become obsessed with their participation in Na No Wri Mo--or National Novel Writing Month.
National Novel Writing Month is an annual exercise that invites people to a write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel between November 1 and midnight, November 30. The official site describes it as “a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing.”
Okay, hold. Stop right there. Does that sound like a recipe for a good novel? When’s the last time you saw a cover blurb that read “Shortlisted for the Booker Prize because of its seat-of-the-pants writing style”? Try “A slapdash exercise in verbal logorrhea that made me physically sick.”
You can’t write a good novel in a month, so why bother? But don’t take my word for it. Let’s look at some famous novels that were written in less than a month, and see how they turned out:
On the Road by Jack Kerouac. Actually, I have no idea how long it took to write this book, but it was probably a month or so. It’s awful. My college literature professor told us, “This book actually inspired some students of mine to jump on a train and travel across the country.” Well, sure, but not because they liked the book--they were trying to escape having to read schlock like Kerouac.
The Naked Lunch by William Burroughs. Again, I don’t know how long it took to write this book, but a month seems about right. And actually, I like the book. But you won’t be able to do a similarly good job unless you’re 1) a drug addict 2) gay 3) living in the ‘60s. So unless you meet all of those requirements, take your hands off the keyboard and slowly back away from the computer.
Jersey Girl. Okay, this was a screenplay, not a novel, but Kevin Smith says he wrote it over the course of a week. And it shows. I’d rather staple my lips to the back of a Scud missile than watch it again.
Technically the results of Na No Wri Mo aren’t supposed to be good, but are just meant to encourage people to get something--anything--on paper. I agree that this is a worthy goal. But start with fingerpaints. No need to rush into the whole words thing until you’re good and ready.
So then I guess you don’t want to see the first draft of my NaNoWriMo novel, entitled “Long Day’s Journey Into Bed?”
It’s a riveting tale of a mid 30-ish woman as she walks from room to room, picking up cat toys and looking for her keys. Eventually she just gives up, reads some blogs, then goes to sleep. It’s a bit like a cross between “Waiting for Godot” and “Jersey Girl.”
I guess Im one of the two people who read your blog who arnt entering. Does that make us the losers or the winners? Im so confused. Maybe Ill write a book…
Yup. I said the same thing on my site. The upside is that my blog reading is much quicker as I’m just skipping those that are spewing 5000 word posts onto the screen in the name of ‘writing’.
5,000 words a day is like a full time job. Yes I slack off and blog at work sometimes, but 5,000 words would take me an entire day. I am far too indolent to keep up with NaNoWriMo.
“It was a dark and stormy night. Entering the building he had just left, Elvis hunched his shoulders into his parka as he tried to avoid the stares of people who thought he was dead.”
That’s as far as I’ve gotten. I’m having trouble figuring out my audience.
I agree--but I wWAS partial towards ‘defective yeti’s’ WriAShorStorWe week!
i think yours is both the most visceral and the best thought-out objection to nanowrimo i’ve read (also, possibly the only objection to nanowrimo). i did it one year and yes, my “novel” sucked, but it was a good way to spend a month when otherwise i was basically unemployed and miserable.
also, i am glad to see someone else hate on the road. i always feel kind of like judas when i say i didn’t like it. people have this weird elemental attachment to it - it made me want to stick a finger through my eye and wiggle it around in my brain. (which, actually, might have been how kerouac wrote the damn thing to begin with.)
Rosemary, I bet your novel was actually very good.
The absolute worst aspect of this exercise is the utter nonsensical “nanowrimo” moniker. Just seeing the “word” on my computer screen triggers an instant hurling sensation.
I wnat to know who is left to blog if they’re all writing their novels. The world needs more good readers and fewer bad writers.
I was wondering who the one person in the world who saw Jersey Girl was. Thanks for clearing up that mystery.
I have neither the time or inclination to write a novel in a month...or a year, for that matter. But I do have a funny story about the phrase “time or inclination.” But it’s only 90 words, which is about my limit.
A friend’s partner asked him to take a look at his malfunctioning car, since my friend has some auto repair experience. My friend replied, “I don’t have the time or inclination to fix your car right now.” His partner, in the spirit of helpfulness, went down to the auto-parts store looking for the neccessary part: You guessed it--he wanted to buy a “timer inclination” for his car. The rest is just hysterical laughter and much anger from the would-be timer-inclination purchaser if you mention the incident.
My personal favourite thing about National.. Novel? Writing? Month? is that what the pseudo-acronym stands for? is that everyone’s a winner at the end.
Just like kindergarten.
Which is about how seriously everyone takes it.
Also and relatedly, I hate pseudo-acronyms. I completely refuse to capitalize mid-word. That’s like indulging a toddler who’s playing with a squirt gun by giving him an Uzi. Tribeca, I’M LOOKING AT YOU.
i’m so glad you hated on the road. i just attempted to read this piece of “schlock” recently. thought it would be good to get under my literary belt. whatev. got about 50 pages in and thought life is too short to read this crap.
Okay, I’ll be the one person to say “On the Road” is a good book though sadly twisted for unhygenic purposes.
Are there other types of logarrhea than verbal?
What’s most amusing to me about “On the Road” is that it was written in only a few weeks, during which Kerouac was drinking and popping pills to stay awake.
My professor told me that’s what makes it all the more impressive...whereas I feel it offers a sound explanation for why it reads like something written while extremely sleep deprived and on drugs.
what’s wrong with logorrhea.
it’s better than logo-stipation.
greg - you’re sweet, but no, it was really very bad.
meredith - i like the concept of “logostipation.” what a colorful and creative way of saying what that feels like.
Ha! Naked Lunch. Just an hour ago I was watching Mickey Mouse with my daughter and Mickey sprayed bug poison all over himself and then hallucinated wildly for another 15 minutes. The screen even went all woozy as he was enveloped by the cloud of gas. I was wondering at the time if Mickey and Pluto were going to start sucking nourishment from indiscriminate bug body part. Daughter says ‘This is weird.’ I say ‘Let’s watch The Wiggles.’
I think we should all give up on original ideas, and just post links that say “yeti did it already”. Seriously. The dude’s like a machine.
I loved On the Road in high school, but tried to reread it recently and gave up halfway through. I just couldn’t take the pain. My pain threshold is too low to even TRY to read anyone’s NaNoWriMo novels. Bad idea, agreed.