Foil paparazzi; always do a panty check before leaving the house.
No more pointless arguments. When people say something that I disagree with, play air guitar until they go away.
Write, produce, and direct grainy, artsy, award-winning documentary When the Party’s Over: What Happens to the Girls Gone Wild.
Increase amount of body art. Not on myself, of course, but others. Random strangers. Use chloroform.
Cross WGA picket line; take advantage of industry desperation to revive The Greatest American Hero.
Hack into online Scrabble dictionary so it becomes possible to play perfectly good words like “Fiberkle.”
Ignore sister when she offers idiotic parenting advice. No wait! That’s a resolution for Jamie Lynn Spears.
Buy hybrid car--i.e., has both CD and mp3 player.
Cut coffee intake in half. Accomplish this by filling up mug with 50% Irish whiskey.
Master taxidermy.
tht’s the funniest thing i have read all day...and much better than my resolutions...i’ll have to work on it.
As a time-saver in such an ambitious year, may I recommend the ‘very shiny shoes’ method of panty checking?
You could also save time by combining “random strangers,” “use chloroform,” and “master taxidermy.”
Make sure you know the difference between chloroform and chloraseptic.
I, um, hear that’s awkward.
When you resurrect Greatest American Hero you should add a new villain named “Master Taxidermy.”
Also, I recently had a Scrabble game come to blows over my sister’s stubborn insistence that “Flustrated” is not a word. It is if I say it is.
Or, you could resurrect Greatest American Hero , then you could skip the chloroform.
Um… it that my husband coming? I didn’t say anything bad about your hero, nosiree, I wouldn’t do that.
I love how the panty check isn’t a check for unsightly lines, it’s a check to make sure they exist.
Is being a Taxidermy Master more like being a Chess Master or being a Task Master? Just wondering…
Also, my confirmation word today is nuclear85, nut I’m a little disappointed that it isn’t nucular85.
I love the idea that you need to master taxidermy - as if you’re dabbling in it currently.
Believe it or not, Greg isn’t at home… he’s flying to LAaaaaaa… he’s writing a show on a wing and a prayer…
never mind
Okay...LONG time listener, first time caller...you know...except that I actually joined your member list about a year ago. Apparently whatever I thought I had to say that day didn’t make the cut and I never posted it.
But I can hold my fingers(?) no longer. Just the other day I spent (/wasted) about 20 minutes trying to convince my cousin that The Greatest American Hero would be the awesomest television show resurrection ever. I backed up my argument with my personal interpretation of the theme song; it was not pretty but I believe I made my point.
Also, could you please add awesomest to the Scrabble dictionary while you’re in there?
There’s been a movie version in development for years--but it may never make it since The Incredibles and some other movies have already kind of done the parody thing.
Dude, I hit a cat today… bringing it over for practice.
Ah, poor Jamie Lynn. I wonder if she’s now considering just terminating her pregnancy to avoid the inevitable future custody war.
mastering taxidermy, eh? where were you when my cat died this year?!
*sigh* too little, too late…