Getting older means looking around at other people and thinking “I should have done what they’re doing.” This is how I feel about judges. Look at what happens--they walk into a room and the bailiff says “Everybody rise for the Honorable So-and-So” and everyone in the room has to stand up.
Mind you, you have no idea at this point if this is a good judge or a bad judge. He probably just finished reading a stack of porn in his quarters. Why do you think they wear those big flappy robes? But it doesn’t matter. Everyone pays their respects.
I’d like everyone to stand when I enter the room. Or at least have someone play a killer guitar riff with a wah-wah pedal. Whatever helps to set the appropriate tone for my presence. I’m not picky about this.**
But what happens now when I walk into a room is completely unacceptable:
“Oh for Christ’s sake. Someone invited Marketing to this meeting?”
“Yeah, they’re here to work on the user interface.”
“Screw the user interface. We’ve slaved on this application for six months and it’s a thing of beauty. Get this: the user has to follow thirty steps in order to reach the main screen, including guessing a password which is a random combination of Swahili and Arabic characters.”
*However, I totally got out of jury duty. And no, I didn’t perjure myself. I am a Golden God.
**I’d also like to be a maverick cop. One who deals out his own brand of justice. But perhaps that’s a different post.
Posted by Greg at 03:10 AM. Filed under:
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“He probably just finished reading a stack of porn in his quarters.” --- you say that as if it were a bad thing. curious…
well, what’d you say to get out of it?
I don’t think I could handle my own theme music. It’s pretty cool at first, but after a while, you feel like stuffing that tuba up the band-player’s ass every time you hear “Hail to the Chief”. That’s why I could never be President.
I just want a “suspense chord” when I walk in - a nice open tone to suggest power and mystery. Maybe a tuba. I haven’t decided.
However, when, in my ordinary daily work, I have to call a judge on the phone (this happens not infrequently and I’m on a first name basis with some really cool appellate judges), I always get up out of my chair. Something about being upright or erect or something. What did you say about what was going on in chambers?
people dont’ say; “hey, isn’t that Harrison Ford’s long lost younger brother” or anything?
protecting the innocent from bad interface design everywhere.
microsoft is a disease.
and you’re the cure.
oooh. i’ve got goosebumps.
you could be a maverick cop who had his own room-entering theme music...could make going undercover difficult, though. you’d need something little, like a piccalo.
i don’t need a theme song to follow me around but i would like to have the overly dramatic “dah dah daaaaaaaah” music played after pivital statements are made during meetings. this would also clue people into the teleconference by letting everyone know that a moment of clarity had just transpired and they nearly missed it!
i have always had theme music.
i thought everybody else could hear it.
good thing, though, that they can’t, because some days the soundtrack is stuck on the episode where romy relives the early 1980s, bad corduroys, matching fluorescent socks and purse, feathered hair and all.
dude, now i can’t find my lip gloss.
P: It’s a bad thing if he’s supposed to be reviewing the frickin’ case.
Sandy: Lawyers hate jurors who are related to other lawyers. They think it makes a juror hard to influence.
You could still become a judge.... schmooze with the higher-up government official doing the appointing and ask to be made “Judge.”
OR you could collect evidence of wrongdoing while in public office, make a copy of the documents/tapes/photos, put the originals in a safe deposit box, mail him/her the copy - and blackmail them into making you a Judge.
Just a thought.......
It’s so much easier than that. Just change your name. I bet Judge Reinhold ain’t got no law degree.
Dibs on “Voodoo Chile”.
hm…
looks like i need to get me related to a lawyer real quick.
I’ve had a fantasy for a couple of years that “Weapon of Choice” would spontaneously play every time I entered a room. I would never stop strutting.
Lawyers hate jurors who are related to other lawyers. They think it makes a juror hard to influence.
So what you’re saying is that lawyers are afraid of someone making an unbiased decision? Okay, I guess that’s not that surprising, but it’s still not pleasant to hear.
I had jury duty recently, and I felt a VERY strong urge to do that “Here come de judge, here come de judge” thing from “Laugh-In” whenever His Honor entered the courtroom. It probably would have gotten a big laugh AND got me thrown in jail. The laugh might have been worth a fine or a jail visit. I’m still debating that.
pumPUMpumPUMpumPUMPUMPUM
pumPUMpumPUMpumPUMPUMPUM
yaTAdaTAyaTADATA
I’d suggeat a Flash-Gordonesque kind of theme song. One that incorporates your name and then the big Ahhh Ah!
How about “The Boxer”?
screw the user interface...
heheheh I am amused by that.
screw the user interface...
heheheh I am amused by that.
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