The other Greg made me laugh yesterday because he didn’t hear two things I told him which I thought were important, and I asked him why he didn’t hear them, and he said “Because they didn’t make it past my organic spam filter.”
I definitely have an organic spam filter--certain words and phrases that won’t make it into my conscious brain no matter how hard people try to communicate them to me. I’ve listed some of them below (including the ones which have rules attached to them that allow them to bypass the filter under certain conditions).
Last night on [Insert Reality Show Here]
My baby did the cutest thing [RULE: Bypass spam filter if baby involves my niece]
My pet did the cutest thing
Need to redo this
Need to work harder
Need to work overtime
Greatest game
Greatest player [RULE: Bypass spam filter if sport involves beach volleyball or mud wrestling]
Got boils
Got scabs
Taking meds
My therapist said
Get up early
5 a.m.
6 a.m.
7 a.m.
8 a.m. meeting
John Tesh in concert
No Guiness on draft
You should change
You should rethink
You’re wrong
What you said wasn’t funny
What you said wasn’t interesting
You’re too short
You’re too goofy
Let’s just be friends [RULE: Bypass spam filter if phrase includes the words “With benefits"]
I have one I always block out: “Are you going to the gym?”
i’m developing one for “there’s this great talk at 6 pm today on BLAHBLAHBLAH ...”
and “see you at the department meeting.”
and also “hey wanna see my vacation pictures? [bypass filter if vacation was spent in france.]”
We may have been separated at birth… excuse me while I swipe this single tear from my eye and attempt to compose myself… *sniff… that was beautiful man… *murmph!
‘Yeah, well, we had to replace the bracket along with the strut. That’ll be $500.00 instead of the $300.00 we told you before.’
*fingers in ears*......LaLaLaLaLa......I caaaan’t hear you.....
“This is a poem about my Grandfather/Grandmother/Sister/Brother/Mom/Dad/Cat/etc.”
Mine works a little bit different. It’s a retroactive filter. For example ... “You’re funny looking” becomes “You’re funny!” ...exclamation point optional depending on how I’m feeling at that moment.
I filter out most HR stuff. Really, I do, and I’m not just saying that because you spam-block information and news about my dog.
“Sometimes I just feel like you...”
“Dude, you were so drunk...do you even remember...”
“You’re a nice enough guy, but seriously...this stalking...”
people actually talk about their pets doing cute things? for the love…
“You’d better get some F***ing pants on right now, or I’m calling the police.”
“You’re wrong” is high on my list. Because, as a rule, I’m always right.
As is “Do you care if I have the last (fill in delicious food item here)?” because I want it, damn it!
“Mom, can I have some: money/snacks/keys to your car/friends over/computer time/etc.?”
“Honey, would you (insert ANY task)?”
How are we friends, again? Because half my statements in life have begun with, “My therapist said...”
My spam filter gets stuck on * during a certain class I’m taking at the moment. A solid hour twenty of noise every time.
In my office it’s more “My [nethack/misc RPG] character...” God I wish that one didn’t have to swing into action as often as it does.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
betsy
“Do you think this might be infected?”
or
“Show me where the bad man touched you.”
At first I read “orgasmic spam filter”...hmm. I wonder what those would be like.
Happy Birthday?
ditto on the “orgasmic spam filter"… you know thats a whole new kind of filter, when your eyeballs start substituting one set of letters for another…
Happy birthday Greg!--with three hours (your time) to go.
So, you _did_ remember that. Heh. HB, man. It’s brewski time.
I would have thought that no Guiness on draft would raise alarms, not be filtered out. My filter is simpler, it is any phrase that starts with the word “Dad”. Example:
“Dad, my brother is making fun of me.”
or
“Dad, I need money for somethingyoucan’tpronounce”.
My hubby’s filter blocks all variations of “I’m really pretty tired tonight hon...”
