Action Item. A key superhero upon which depends the fate of the known universe. But usually people forget about him or take no notice of him. Strangely, the universe tends to continue on its merry way.
The Leverager (A.K.A. Synergy.) Collects resources and puts them together in order to achieve important tasks. Has no innate superpowers, so is better off as part of a super team--will fail if tries to go solo.
Pro-Active. Goes out and fights crime before anyone else thinks of it. Gained powers after being bitten by radioactive productivity. Widely disliked by other heroes. Weakness: loses powers without constant contact with caffeine.
Mindshare. Takes over the thoughts of others in order to promote own ideas and values. Despite highly cerebral power, often fails to exhibit any unique or original thoughts of his own.
Facetime. Makes gains in the fight against crime by eschewing email and promoting personal contact. Weakness: doesn’t always supplement superpower with sufficient quantities of breath mints.
Bandwidth. Able to alter the substance of the temporal continuum by somehow managing to have no time at any point in the day to take on additional projects. Catch phrase: “I have no...Bandwidth!!”
Catalyst. Implements activities that initiate a specific chain of events. Since events are often negative rather than positive, Catalyst is frequently thought of as a supervillain.
Scalable. Entry pending--at time of writing, no one has any idea what this person does.
#1 is done:
http://professionalsuperhero.com/
You forgot Brainstorm. She causes lightning in people’s heads - migraine headache, thus rendering them incapable of anything. And Scalable weighs things in the balance indefinitely, thus being the first true Inaction Hero.
I’m thinking of keeping a flask in my desk and turning business jargon into a drinking game. I can get pretty sauced on the verb “leverage” alone.
Okay, without disputing that that cartoon is way funnier than my post, I still contend that you’re supposed to IGNORE Action Item, not depend on him to save the day.
I thought Scalable was the guy who plans room for other potential super heroes who never bother to show up.
I enjoy Pushback - frequently saves the day by redirecting work to the appropriate group, saving you time and effort. Downside: kind of comes off as an asshole.
If anyone ever used the words “Going Forward” to me ever again I’m going to scalable their face.
Stake-Holder: Claims to have a direct interest in solving the crisis. But, you know how if you have to tell someone your cool, then you’re not? Same thing.
“UnPac Man”. He causes other people to dissolve into a puddle of rage infested goo by merely uttering the words “Can you unpack that, please?”
Much like Mike said - if I have to unpack it THEN YOU HAVE NO CLUE. STOP HANGING AROUND WITH SMART PEOPLE YOU ASS. GO BACK TO HUMAN RESOURCES NOW.
Just now I heard an executive director here at work describe the journey from the beach to the ocean as “the critical path for baby turtles.”
Sometimes work-lingo needs to stay at work.
Are you saying that baby turtles aren’t driven by bottom-line results?
Seeing as they themselves are the deliverables, I suppose they probably are.
The problem here is you say Synergy, I think Jem.