In response to the bumper sticker that said “If you love animals called pets, why do you eat animals
Well, it’s like this. I used to have a pet cow called Bessie. I kept her in my apartment. Whenever I sat down to watch TV, she’d jump on my lap and often broke my ribs. I also had to hold down three jobs in order to feed her.
The final straw, though, was when we played “catch” and I threw a ball at her and she crashed through the wall into the next door unit. My neighbors ended up suing me after one of them was sent to the emergency room.
So after all of that, I figured screw it, might as well eat her.
But that was an excellent question!
That must have been one bitch of a litter box, too.
I love my pets...but I also love steak.
As a vegetarian cow-worshipper, I say Bravo!
I advocated buying a cow instead of a lawnmower. It would’ve been interesting to have an animal called gardening implement, but the thought of 4th of July barbecues and losing a beloved lawnmower became too scary to imagine.
Yep, you’ve done it again. You’ve drawn out a smile just when I didn’t think it could happen for a while. (Whoa, did that rhyme?)
Anyway, thanks for that and for all the laughs you’ve doled out over the past year.
Have a great New Year, Greg.
Sounds like Bessie was a bit of a mad cow…
Heh. I saw one that said “I love animals. They’re delicious.”
In the words of Rev. Horton Heat (and he’s a reverend so he must be right): “Eat steak, eat steak, eat a big ol’ steer...”
I had a cow named T-Bone. I think his destiny was sealed.
Oh, puh-leeze. My response to that kind of horse shit is, “Why not? What does a cow have to look forward to out of life anyway? Especially the babies. I love veal. And what would you rather be? Veal Oscar for about $25 an entree? Or a Big Mac with cheese for under a dollar?” There’s also the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy take on it, which I can’t quote at the moment, but it involved animals that asked to be eaten. That unsettled Arthur Dent to no end.
Greg, you’re a funny funny guy. That’s all.
Actually, I won’t eat veal. Everyone has their own boundaries…
I used to be a vegetarian. Not because I loved animals, mind you. I just really, really didn’t like vegetables…
greg is mean. and it has nothing to do with animals.
Well done (no pun intended). Now can you help me articulate the blinding hatred I have for people with the “If it’s not fun, why do it?” bumpersticker on their car?
It’s a big world. There’s always room for animals. Preferably next to the mashed potatoes.
Oh, and how do you get rid of litter box odor and keep the litter box clean? Get rid of the cat. Or cow.
Ellen, may the spirit of Johnny Cash smile upon you, you’ve referenced the greatest song about meat ever recorded.
There should be more songs about meat. I’m just sayin.