Pushing your niece and her baby carriage through a crowded crosswalk in San Francisco sometimes means stopping and waiting for other people to walk in front of you. But I was stunned when I had to halt because a cop on a horse bounded off the curb. I actually had to stop and wait for the horse.
Immediate thoughts:
I hope the law that’s being broken is pretty serious, dicksnort. Because you’ll have to significantly lower the crime rate in order to justify, oh, let me see, a baby on your horse’s hoof. Are you known for this at the precinct? Does the Captain bellow “Kinsey, you’re a loose cannon. Sure, you caught the drug smugglers, but you stepped on five babies. Give me your badge and gun.” You’re a maverick cop who deals out your own brand of justice--to BABIES.
Why a horse? What is this, Tombstone? Did you not get a chance to change out of your cop uniform on the way to the Renaissance Fair? I read the papers, but I must have missed the article about the rise in cattle rustling across the city. Oh, and be careful about that riding around on a horse thing--what if you get hit by a tumbleweed? But it’s cool--you know what you can throw at tumbleweeds to knock them out of your path? BABIES.
When my niece is 16, I’m going to recommend that she stop shooting up heroin, stealing cars, and sleeping with bikers. She’ll say “You’ve got to do everything you can before the Man does it to you. The Man will crush you under his hoof, as though you’re nothing but a cow patty. Don’t ask me how I know this. I just do.” Thanks, Johnny Law. I hope Jesse James kicks your ass.
Hmm… wouldn’t it be a good idea to recommend her never to start shooting up heroin? And perhaps a lot earlier than 16? Or wait, that wasn’t the point, was it…
I think this is a cry for help from someone who was nearly stomped on by a horse when he was a baby.
i feel like i’m somehow morally flawed for giggling at this post, given the near-hoofing of your niece. however, in retribution perhaps, i have just snorted while laughing, and both alienated the terribly cute italian guy sharing my office and got that unpleasant water-nostril sensation.
thanks indeed, johnny law. i blame this on you.
“Dicksnort” is now my Word of the Day.
romy - I’m just glad that I’m not at the computer lab on campus because I lost it at, “but you stepped on five babies”.
I wish you’d caught the color of that cowboy’s hat. They say that makes all the difference.
Wait a minute—were you borrowing your brother’s child in an effort to pick up chicks?
Frank, you say that like it’s a bad thing. Toddlers and puppies. Works every time.
Actually, my brother was with me--and since we don’t resemble each other, we looked like a typical San Francisco couple.
Seems that being an uncle brings out the ‘on-fire’ in you. Should we be afraid of your peternal instincts? I think so. We are sooo not having kids together Greg. Final. Answer.
Oh, and bring on the spelling correction crew...egads.
So, do SF mounted cops have baby carriages painted on their saddles, like enemy flags painted on the sides of fighter planes?
Gopi- I’ll admit to being a sucker for a hot guy with a puppy, but you can usually tell when the dog’s sole purpose is bait and that just blows the whole deal.
And Greg- some girls think the typical San Francisco couple is a turn-on. (see Gimmy’s comment to your Blonde on Blonde post so I don’t look like the only freak here.)
“maverick” cop. Heh. I bet he has to pony up his badge and gun, so he doesn’t get saddled with a lawsuit.
...and on a completely unrelated topic:
“A little bit of country, a little bit of rock-n-roll, and a whole lot of Swedish polka”?
Was that the best you could find of Swedish music? Please tell me that’s a joke or a quote or something, or I’ll have to start listing some good Swedish music on here.
[concerned]
It was really meant to be just a non sequitur, and probably one I might have reconsidered if I knew there were experts on Swedish music floating around…