1. I may be a lily-livered liberal, but even I was surprised at the election upset in Spain over the weekend. As a result of the country’s recent terrorist attack, right-wing president Jose Maria Aznar was shown the door and a socialist administration won a landslide victory.
The lesson: when you’re being targeted by a murderous terrorist organization, your first priority is to ensure that the working class isn’t alienated from the means of production. Brilliant. I believe this national defense strategy was first detailed in that famous political treatise, The Crackhead Manifesto.
2. Yesterday I was in the company store of a local Ghirardelli chocolate factory. My friend asked the cashier if the factory gives tours. She told him, “No, it’s not set up for tours, and so it wouldn’t be safe for visitors.” I said, “Right, I think we all remember what happened to Veruca Salt.” She gave me a blank look.
I am not here to argue for the quality of this particular joke. I am not suggesting that it be enshrined in the annals of comedy. I am merely incensed by her apparent bewilderment. I don’t care if it is a minimum wage cashier’s job; if you work at a Ghirardelli factory, you had damn well better get Willy Wonka references. That’s like a scientist at N.A.S.A. giving you a puzzled stare and saying “Chewbacca who?”
3. A realization hit me with the force of a thunderclap earlier and for some reason I’m compelled to write it down. Here goes:
A female celebrity I really despise is Debra Messing.
A female celebrity I really like is Linda Cardellini.
Whew.
RE #1 : the press over here is all shouting about (right-wing) conspiracies and cleverly foiled impending dictatorships. i think i’m with you on the crackhead manifesto thing. they are clearly in charge of the media!
RE #2 : at first i thought of the band with nina gordon as the lead singer. THEN i got the joke. yes, i am a loser. on the upside, no, i don’t work in a chocolate factory (and my thighs are exceedingly grateful for that fact, and not even all that exceeding about it). and furthermore, what the hell is ghirardelli doing not having tours? why is a chocolate factory so unsafe? is it in a red zone?
RE #3 : i don’t know who either of those people is. but hey, i’m glad you got it out of your system.
Yeah, that Spain thing really bothered me. But the people have spoken … the bastards.
(Stephen Pound says Mark Twain said that first, but I can’t find a cite)
Maybe if you had said, “Augustus Gloop”
I see Linda all the time and she always says hello. We don’t know each other, it’s just that “I see you all the time so lets say hello” hello.
I thought I was the only one who hated Debra Messing.
How can they NOT get the Veruca Salt reference?
I still appreciate a good Willy Wonka reference.
at first i thought… what happened to the band veruca salt? i mean, we haven’t heard anything from them in years but still…
and then i thought “oh duh”.
I have to admit that I don’t get the commentary on Spain. Perhaps it’s the lack of a hangover that’s got me discombobulated. Who is the crackhead in this scenario? I just finished an interesting discussion on this topic with 2 intelligent and informed Basque-Americans and it made sense to me.
I’m a guy that’s really offended when national leadership resists the will of the people. The Spanish detest this ‘war’(the war is over, right?) I see this not as a ‘victory for al quaeda’ (thenew spin) but as yet another egg on the face of George W Bitch (not to mention Aznar - a real bitch’s bitch).
This is not good vs evil. This is a battle of the terrorists. Bush and Co. have manipulated the same fear and concern to their own ends shamelessly. Re-elect or more ‘inocent’ people will die. I don’t think that any citizens are innocent while their leaders are allowed to terrify and abuse the globe. Yes, it would be tragic if my daughters were victims of ‘random’ acts of terror. I would take the responsibility for not doing more to affect out foreign policy in that event. Am I just completely nuts?
GOD! Way to stick the “I want it now!” song in a girls head.
Dan - yes. I suppose by your logic, all German citizens were guilty for the holocaust (Hitler was elected). Or how about, “there are no innocent people in a country, when it’s policy is flawed.” Whew, for a moment there, I thought Sept. 11 was an act of terrorism. Now I see clearly, that those people were legitimate targets in a war against policy bureaucrats.
I haven’t wanted to vote for a Democrat since Adlai Stevenson, and I didn’t vote for him because I was too young. He was the last ethical Presidential candidate with an IQ higher than room temperature. But George Bush says there should be no votes for Kerry because he wants to weaken the Patriot Act. Is there a better reason to vote FOR him?
I agree with Richard. I mean, if you were in a golden egg factory, then clearly the Veruca Salt reference would have had the clerk in tears. You know, a Veruca Salt reference I made the other day went zinging over my girlfriend’s head, too. Actually that implies that it was a “zinger,” which, clearly, it wasn’t. I guess it went flopping over her head. Buffy and Willy Wonka references… I’d say we were separated at birth, except everyone seems to think you’re funny and good looking. Maybe I’m the evil, opposite twin…
I turned into a giant blueberry just last night.
And Greg, is your dad a Republican, or a disillusioned liberal? I’m doing a study on the political tendencies of blog friends’ parents who comment. Not really.
I think you should know that I played Violet Beauregarde in the online version.
Gopi, it’s a fine point you make on my habit of over-generalizing. Is there no sense to the basic sentiment though? Where do you draw the line? Were no Germans responsible for those policies? Would it help to take some responsibility? I’m just looking to do what I can in a broad sense.
Wow, I’ve never seen Adlai Stevenson come up on a blog until today.
My father is a staunch libertarian. One of the coolest things I own is his old campaign pin, as he once aceded to his party’s request to run for the house of representatives. 12,000 votes, baby.
Melly, you make an excellent Violet.
what was chewbacca’s last name?
Ok, I don’t know much about this Linda chick, but is she not in Scooby Doo 2? You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
I’m sure I’ll think of more to say when I lie in bed tonight, unsleeping, pondering the glory that could be Chewbacca’s last name.
Leave Scooby Doo out of this. Everyone needs to eat. The point is, she rocked in Freaks and Geeks.
Wow, Greg, I don’t think I’ve ever disagreed with you more strongly in the year that I’ve been reading your blog. I am with Dan on the recent Spanish election. And I don’t see any connection between the bombings in Madrid and wanting a president who represents the interests of the people. I mean, who was running on a platform of “I don’t give a shit about domestic terrorism?” Oh wait, this is your blog. What I meant to say was, “I still think you are insightful and witty, even if you’ve been watching too much Fox news.”
god i love itemization - if you could bullet point your next set of witicisms - i’d be at your mercy
Wellll...It’s not like Spain can invade anywhere. Isn’t it more that they’ve decided ‘out with the old, in with the new’? I.e., the previous one may have brought down retaliation, etc.
OK, you know that. I’m being dense.
Debra Messing! You too? Why is she so icky?
I really, really hope you started singing the Veruca song for her to clarify.
something creepy: in the book, she’s murdered by squirrels.
Chewbacca’s last name is “Copenhagen”
well, roald would have been proud at the very least.
Kind of relevant: I made a “Yeah, it was just like that Smiths song - ‘how soon is now, Mama?’” to my massage therapist and she had the blankest look EVER on her face. How can you NOT get a Smiths reference? It’s THE SMITHS people!!! I’m officially old…
I am 99% percent positive you lifted #3 from an old Larry King column.
not getting veruca salt. more evidence of the serious cultural illiteracy problem with this country. a sure sign that the future of our nation is in peril of becoming numbingly boring.
Dan & Gopi, you have to admit it’s ironic that all of these leaders of nations in the axis of good (or whatever we call ourselves) have been playing the national security card in their favour and have suddenly realised that it might not have been such a good idea to put the fear of god (or, rather, the goddless hordes) into their citizen’s hearts. A serious issue - but not as serious as chocolate factory workers not getting ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ references. That’s just wrong.
Spain has lived with terrorism (in the form of ETA) for somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 years. The Spaniards are smart, courageous people who decided they’d had it with a government that lied to them on a systematic basis and did it even more obviously during times of crisis. To those stateside who are unhappy with that, get over it. It’s called democracy.
And what’s this about chocolate factory workers not getting ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ references? Someone in management need a good asskicking.