I predict the new Star Trek movie, “Nemesis,” won’t fare well at the box office. Why? Their starship viewscreens have barely advanced in the last 30 years. From Captain Kirk’s ship to the new shows, it’s just been the same boring television set.

Even now, I suspect that children are watching the show with their parents in complete bewilderment. “So let me get this straight, Dad. Their living room--”

“It’s called a ‘bridge,’ son.”

“Whatever. Their living room with a bridge is smaller than ours, they’re sitting on a bunch of IKEA furniture, and they’re all talking to a Sony plasma flat panel display. I thought you said this show was set in the future. Is that thing even HDTV compatible?”

One Trek technology I don’t look forward to is the Holodeck. I’d wait patiently in line, get to the front, and the engineer would tell me: “You can be anyone and go anywhere. The only limit is your imagination. Just tell me the details and I’ll program the computer.”

And what would happen? I’d freeze like a jackrabbit in headlights. I’d stutter, I’d stammer, and then I’d blurt out: “I want to be in Marketing, have a thinning head of hair, and drive a Honda Civic. Make sure that I snore loudly when I sleep, and that it sounds like someone putting brass tacks in a blender. And absolutely under no circumstances should I be a published novelist.” I’d walk inside the room and my “D’OH!” would echo throughout the galaxy.

I’m looking forward to the movie despite all this, but I am concerned that the Next Generation crew is getting long in the tooth. I suspect that during the climatic space battle, they won’t be running around and punching control panels. They’ll have to fire photon torpedos using the clapper.