“Geese Aplenty” is proud to present, in violation of multiple copyright laws, Celebrity Poetry Appre
“Teacher”
by Charlie (Charles) Sheen (star of Men at Work, Young Guns, Terminal Velocity)
Teacher, teacher, I don’t understand,
You tell me it’s like the back of my hand.
Should I play guitar and join the band?
Or head to the beach and walk in the sand?
Oh, teacher, teacher, I don’t understand…
... Teacher, teacher, the years have passed,
I never thought it would go so fast,
The things I learned they didn’t last.
I’m headin’ to sea as I raise the mast.
Oh, teacher, teacher, I’m a piece of your past.
---
“Criticism”
by Jewel (multi-platinum pop singer)
The savages are upon me
and I feel my flesh
Burn
beneath the teeth
of their indifference
---
“Pretty Little Girl in Red
by Amber Tamblyn (star of Joan of Arcadia, General Hospital, Port Charles)
The green umbrella blended into her face.
She watched the pretty little girl in red dance circles in her eyes,
like spider dust.
The golden whisper of her lips began to eat away the sand.
It was bright, as she cringed in pain.
She died later that afternoon.
Posted by Greg at 03:45 AM. Filed under:
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wow, wow.... esp. jewels’
i don’t get all this artsy crap. how bout we just talk about movies and boobs and stuff?
or haiku
please stop - you’re hurting me
i’m sure this is funny, but i don’t get it. :(
BAD CELEBRITY POETRY IS FUNNY, DAMMIT.
THIS is why I refuse to write poetry. Ever.
Jewel...hmmm...trying to be creative here...Jewel...sucks. Yep.
I don’t get it either. Besides, I was too busy looking at Jewel’s boobs to bother with her music or poetry.
blech.
spider dusst dances in your eyes? eek. not good.
this isn’t a copyright violation - it’s attributed and fair use. It does violate any number of other eternal laws of good taste and sense, though.
Oh Jewel of Amber Sheen,
Your poems turn me green,
They’re better sight unseen,
Why don’t you go and preen
your expurgated spleen
till you are a has-been
fallen off the silver screen
till then, here’s a ball-peen -
go crazy on each other.
I rather liked Charlie Sheen’s.
If only because it wasn’t completely depressing and angsty.
I think Jewel has issues.
/obvious
Yeah, Charlie Sheen’s was jaunty. Not good, but jaunty.
Jewel gives me a sort of personality-hives. So does Bjork. Do you have any Bjork poetry?
WOOHOOO DAN....now make the bad celebrity poetry stop. Because it’s making my head hurt.
Of course Sheen’s is jaunty. You’d be jaunty too if you put pen to paper right after snorting cocaine off the naked body of a hooker.
I think the Amber Tamblyn one is the worst. It’s like she made some magnetic poetry on her fridge and decided this one was worth passing along.
My friend gave me Jewel’s book, “A Night Without Armour”, as a gag b-day gift last year. It was hilarious, yet painful.
Perhaps Jewel’s snaggle teeth compel her to write such bad stuff.
Something about the word “golden” pisses me off. It’s very strange.
You might not like them, but my poems, they are my oooooown, and they’re not yours they are my ooooownnnn…
OMG Ismat, you’ve actually read that poem where she talks about her crooked teeth, haven’t you?
Oh, wait. What did I just admit to? Damn!
these are in increasing order of insipidness, yes?
jewel is so vapid nature abhors her. and so do i.
it hadn’t realized until just now how stupid the name “jewel” is.
(no offense, jules.)
melly, something about the word “golden” right next to the word “pisses” cracks me up.
Kerry, something about the word “golden” right next to the word “pisses” next to the word “cracks” really testes my patience.
OH MAN! I can’t believe you overlooked Ally Sheedy like that :
“On the road
brighter and brighter every day
calmer
my insides slosh about like a nauseous ocean
it takes great gulps of air
words from religious books
and Diet Cherry Coke to quiet the sound”