“Every day I put it off, more people get married.”
--Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, explaining his urgency in passing a constitutional amendment that bans gay marriage
YEARS AND YEARS AGO:
Scene: School playground. 5-year old Billy Frist wanders along forlornly, clutching his lunch money. He smells bad and looks like a dork. He’s obviously a creep.
Two boys who are best friends play catch.
Billy: I want to play catch too!
Boys: Get lost, creep.
They bean Billy with a baseball and leave. Billy clutches his fist and waves it at the sky.
Billy: I swear that I will wage a war on all males who have a very close relationship and/or emotional bond! I will pass a constitutional amendment if need be!
Two girls jumping rope come skipping along the grass.
Billy: I want to skip rope too!
Girls: Get lost, creep.
They push past Billy, knocking him against a nearby building. Billy clutches his fist and waves it at the sky.
Billy: I swear that I will wage a war on all females who have a very close relationship and/or emotional bond! I will pass a constitutional amendment if need be!
(Billy is unaware that he’s standing right underneath a window that’s part of the school cafeteria. The cafeteria woman opens the window and tosses out a pot full of fisheads and gross soup on top of Billy, who clutches his fist and waves it at the sky)
Billy: I swear that I will wage a war on all cafeteria workers! I will pass a constitutional amendment if need be!
(pauses)
Billy: Wow, I have a lot of amendments to pass. I’d better get started.
(He wanders off to scheme.)
Cafeteria Woman: What a creep.
indeed, all senatorial campaigns can be tracked back to fishheads.
And childhood rejection!
i bet grown up billy is sexy and kewl. you happen to have his phone number?
what i am still trying to figure out is how two gay people he doesn’t know getting married impacts his life, or ANYONE’S life, in any way whatsoever.
i mean really. if trekkies and republicans and jennifer lopez are allowed to marry and breed, why not the gays? they are clearly more dangerous to the fabric of society than the homos.
Let’s lay off the Trekkies.
i didn’t know that fish sticks came with heads attached. huh. learn somethin new everyday!
It’s really the only plausible scenario, isn’t it?
I don’t understand why we can’t just outlaw marriage for everyone. It would make life so much easier all around.
When the topic of gay-marriage is mention you hear the argument of the sanctity of marriage. Where were the marriage fighters when Brittney Spears got married for...oh, less then a day? Isn’t that mocking marriage more then two loving committed gay people tying the knot?
I firmly believe that gay people have just as much right to experience the marriage in all its true glory: the nagging, the arguing, the compromising. Why should straight people have all the “fun”. And why should the religious right and their puppets in government care?
oh, because everyone else’s moral lapses are so much more interesting than our own, you see.
don’t worry, we’ve got our eyes on britney.
trekkies, too.
Anybody for fishead soup?
I know it’s not true, but I almost feel sorry for the poor, picked-on little Billy.
Please don’t make me feel sorry for him again. Thanks!
If they really are against gay sex, they’ll make it *mandatory* for homosexuals to marry...right?
(just kidding, the married people I know actually *do* have sex...with the person they’re married to, no less! I know, amazing.)
obviously, It is a complete antithesis of democracy for the government to define marriage for *anyone* - you can’t legistlate morality, or based upon religion - not in the country *I* grew up in. (well, I grew up in Texas, but I was talking about America.)