Saturday morning, while waiting until I had to be somewhere, I chanced upon a White Elephant sale held in north Oakland, near one of the senior citizen facilities. It was the kind of place that if an elderly woman asks you “How do you like the White Elephant sale?” and you say “My issue is, I think that white elephants get a bum rap by being the de facto synonym for junk that no one wants. For example, let’s say you had a white elephant, and there’s a bunch of other white elephants who want to kill you. You could train your white elephant to infiltrate their ranks and act as a double agent on your behalf"--the woman is likely to look at you dazedly, touch your shoulder, and say “You’re not my grandson, are you?”
The surreal part, though, were the two security guards posted at the entrance. Two bored asian teenagers wore bright orange vests and greeted people as they walked in and out.
Don’t get me wrong: security guards can be good things. If you’re shopping in a Safeway at dicey part of Oakland, you sometimes feel good about seeing two policemen keeping an eye on things even as they peer intently at the doughnut selection.
But at a White Elephant sale on a Saturday morning at a senior citizen’s facility, what the hell is going to happen?
“Oh my God. Someone stole my chipped saucer collection and two rusty candle holders!”
“Look! It’s Irma! She’s got them and she’s halfway to the exit already!”
“Great scott! She just might make it, too! I don’t know what she did to retrofit her walker, but she’s moving like greased lightning.”
yeah why are white elephants equated to unwanted junk, why cant we equate severely overweight hillbilly women to the junk sale...cuz no one wants an overweight hillbilly!
I’ve never heard of this ‘white elephant’ sale. If I wanted people to know that there was nothing crucial at my sale, I’d probably call it an ‘unraveled cassette-tape’ sale.
Oh, and overweight hillbilly and white elephant seem synonymous...haven’t you ever seen a hillbilly tusk?
i think pink elephants should be more synonymous with unwanted things than white ones.
Someday the Irmas will be all gone and the little old ladies will all be named Dakota and Mackenzie.
This is frightening to me.
I had no idea that grease could act as a lightener. I was under the impression that grease generally made things heavier.
(I think you meant “lightning,” GH.)
Having said that, I would be happy to act as one of your burly Asian security guards at your next white elephant sale. I look good in orange, I can flex like a door hinge.
i supposed “greased lightning” is better than “greased irma”
("greased irma! go, greased irma!")
m7 asks why white elephants are equated with unwanted junk. I don’t know but here’s one suggestion: Meaning: Something that is more trouble than it is worth.
Origin: White (albino) elephants were regarded as holy in ancient times in Thailand and other Asian countries. To keep a white elephant was a very expensive task, since you had to provide the elephant with special food, and provide access for people who wanted to come and worship it. If a Thai King became, for some reason, dissatisfied with a sub-king, he would give him a white elephant. The gift would, in most cases, ruin the recipient
WOW....I did not know the history of the White Elephant, THANKS Matt, and Greg you missed a KICKASS party at Jules’ on Saturday night.
grandma is running nitrus.
silly. the security is for keeping people IN! how else can you be sure anyone will buy all that junk?
“excuse me sir. what’s that in your hand?”
“hmm? why nothing. i didn’t take anything. “
“i’m afraid that’s unacceptable. please go back in and don’t come back out until you’ve spent at least $10.”
thanks for the clarification on the white elephants...now please explain why there are still overweight hillbilly’s!!