Fight club.

For the second weekend in a row, I went somewhere with a female friend who met another female friend of mine and later confided to me that the second female friend was hot.  The women in this instance were completely different than the ones from the weekend before.

Guys don’t do this.  If I took my friend Jake to meet my friend Chad, Jake wouldn’t say to me later “Man, your bud Chad is smokin’.”

Okay wait, that did happen once. But generally guys who aren’t “special” in that way don’t comment about other guys.  Women do it all the time.

It made me think about how society teaches women to see other women the way men do.  Social theorists call this “the male gaze.” It forces a kind of split in female psychology, causing them to see other women from a man’s perspective.  That in turn affects the way women dress and act, encouraging them to be molded into an identity mandated by patriarchal society.

This made me think about my own participation in a patriarchal society, and how I unconsciously help perpetuate patterns of behavior that reinforce repressive social norms.

And after thinking about this, my head began to hurt.  So I started to think about what would happen if my female friends got involved in a catfight.  Are there understood, unspoken rules that govern such situations?  For example, how do they balance the delicate ratio of slap to tickle?  I think it needs to be done carefully, so there isn’t the awkward moment where one of the fighters has to actually stand up, stop the action, and say “There’s been far too much slapping.  There needs to be a heavier emphasis on tickling.”

I believe it’s 50% slapping/spanking, 25% hair pulling, 15% struggling and 10% tickling. But the official Bay Area Cat Fight Association rules may differ slightly.

Posted by  on  12/19  at  08:37 PM

It’s a good thing you didn’t mention Lacan . . . oops!

Posted by J.  on  12/19  at  08:37 PM

This all depends on whether or not there’s mud present.

Posted by  on  12/19  at  09:35 PM

I think the entire fourth and fifth blurb were directly taken from a sociology paper I wrote last semester.  I mean....yeah, it’s mostly about the slap.

Posted by jes  on  12/19  at  10:56 PM

It’s not that girls see each other the way men do.  Chicks are just objectively hotter.  FACT.

Posted by jennn  on  12/20  at  04:22 AM

Frankly, I think we do that as a control thing.  Like even though we’re speaking in earnest, we know that telling you will make you momentarily paralyzed, and that’s fun.

Posted by EV  on  12/20  at  05:50 AM

I don’t know about you-all, but most of the women I know would sooner clock you than pull your hair. 

This would explain why, instead of checking out a woman’s looks, I’m more likely to be watching to see whether she’s looking particularly belligerent.  Chicks fight mean.

Posted by Auntie Sarah  on  12/20  at  06:19 AM

I don’t know how many women I know who’d want to think they’re friends with a guy who hangs out with ugly chicks. 

Posted by dan  on  12/20  at  08:35 AM

Actually, I control these universal settings with a cluster of crystals and a mayan calendar from my evil lair. I am feeling the hair-pulling these days. In the near future, keep an eye out for the hot, hot, soooo hot face-scratch to make a return.

Posted by Dirty Dan Sin  on  12/20  at  08:59 AM

Aside from the cheesy pun which the phrase “male gaze” affords, I think men should appreciate each other’s hotness more frequently.  Chicks really dig that (just look at all the slash women write).

Posted by Matt Ambrose  on  12/20  at  09:59 AM

My boyfriend was at that party.  Tell me, Greg, didn’t he look good?  He told me you looked cute.  He really liked the shoes you were wearging.

Posted by Kathy S.  on  12/20  at  11:50 AM

Kathy, I have to admit, your bf is pretty smokin’. Of course, the hostess was wearing a black lingerie top, so she takes the prize.

Posted by Greg  on  12/20  at  11:57 AM

Lingerie blouses worn as normal blouses is all the rage here. It looks like women just rolled out of bed and went out like that.

Posted by panajane  on  12/20  at  04:08 PM

In my defense, that item of clothing was clearly marketed as a “SHIRT”!

Posted by  on  12/20  at  06:25 PM

now this is a reality show i could totally get behind. 

Posted by The Mighty Jimbo  on  12/21  at  06:07 AM

semi-nude mud wrestling would’ve been a far better metaphor, Greg.  C’mon man, bone up on your patriarchal sexism a little here.

Posted by styro  on  12/21  at  07:04 AM

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Posted by  on  12/21  at  10:29 AM

i really want to leave a drunk comment here but all the catfight images from the other commenters is as distracting as the word ‘patriarchal’.

Posted by jaden  on  12/21  at  01:14 PM

I just think geese aplenty is cute...thinking of him tickling Tom Cruise with a little slap now and then, a squeal, “Bitch”, and the hair pulling begins...Happy Holidays for me tonight!

Posted by marsha  on  12/26  at  05:04 PM

I think that chick just have and inborn sense about how much slaping and how much tickling is alowed. unless of couse their in the mud.  then they just roll around getting dirtly

Posted by Carpet cleaning guy  on  12/29  at  07:42 AM

Actually, Greg, it’s called the “homospectoral gaze,” a phrase coined by Laura Kipnis of Northwestern University.  You have a doctorate in English; get your facts straight.

And it seems to me that you aren’t “unconsciously” perpetuating anything here.  Your homophobia is, frankly, very open.

Posted by Anonymous  on  01/13  at  03:34 PM

That was a wonderfully vituperative (albeit cowardly) comment, but I believe you’ll find that feminist critic Laura Mulvey is responsible for the term “male gaze.” But thanks for playing!

Posted by Greg  on  01/13  at  04:02 PM

Hey, “Anonymous,” if you’re going to snipe at someone, at least snipe in a more interesting and correct way than by bringing in terms you didn’t earn and making charges you can’t back up.

If you’d even bothered to use, oh, I don’t know, Google maybe, you would have found this:

http://www.arasite.org/mulvey.htm

and this:

http://www.haberarts.com/mulvey.htm

As opposed to your “homospectoral gaze,” which, when entered into Google, achieves this result:

Your search - “homospectoral gaze” - did not match any documents.

Oh, and?  Go blow.

Posted by J.  on  01/14  at  01:19 AM