Here’s what I hate: people tell me that I don’t appreciate [such and such] because I haven’t experienced [such and such] in its most concentrated and potent form.
- Oh, you don’t like mushrooms? That’s because you haven’t had mushrooms cooked really well with a side of mushrooms cooked in mushroom broth. You have no reason to complain about mushrooms unless you’ve experienced their revolting texture and godawful smell in such a single, compressed dose that you throw up for a good two hours. Seriously! Try it! Don’t talk to me again until you do!
- Oh, you hate Blink 182? You haven’t seen them live! When you get to hear their gut-wrenching, seriously hideous lack of talent blasting through your very soul! Surrounded by low-lifes and criminals singing along to the lyrics! It’ll change you forever!
Here’s what I say:
- Oh, you don’t like getting punched in the nose? You need to try really getting punched in the nose. With a sprightly, happy fist that pushes through the nasal cartilage and shoves splinters of bone back into your brain. It’s great! It’ll change your opinion forever! You haven’t been punched in the nose until you try it!
Whooooooo’s cranky?
I also enjoy it when someone tries to convince me that I couldn’t possibly be cold, so I should just take my sweater off.
Is what you say generally followed by the offer of a demonstration?
Same thing applies to having kids. Apparently I don’t know anything about ANYTHING until I have kids.
Having a bit of post-vacation depression?
the very thought of that mushroom dish is making my insides twitch in a not-so-pleasant way.
punch ‘em again for me!
Anna, oh wait, that’s coming through?
Eh, you just haven’t been told that you don’t appreciate [such and such] because you haven’t experienced [such and such] in its most concentrated and potent form by someone that really understands the essence of the concentrated form.
Once someone really breaks your ignorance down for you in fully insulting technicolor, you’ll come around, I’m sure.
I’m glad we’re back to regular life posts! Welcome home.
Yeah, and then you ask for any volunteers to demonstrate about the whole punching-in-the-nose thing.
That’ll get ‘em every time.
Boredom on a Stick
http://boredomonastick.blogspot.com/
You should get some pretty good Google searches from this post. The possibilities are endless.
the variation that always gets me is “you haven’t tried MY [such and such]”. i’m delighted to see that your reply works here too:
“you just haven’t tried MY potato salad!”
“yes, and i think it’s just that you haven’t tried MY fist against your nose”.
thanks. i needed that.
I never thought I’d like a punch in the nose—until I tried it! The pain is fleeting, but for hours there’s this euphoric ignorance normally reserved for lobotomy cases and people who like Blink 182.
I said the same thing about goatse.
“what do you mean, you don’t like necrophilia? You’ve never tried it, have you? I tell ya, there’s nothing like it. You gotta give it a shot.” I don’t need to give it a shot. I can tell already that I don’t like it. Everybody’s ignorant about something. People who try to eliminate this critical quality of the tapestry of human society are just spoilsports.
Oh and welcome back. So, are kiwis birds or fruit?
I’m glad to see you’re not repressing your anger, Greg. I’m sure that’s healthy. For you.
i’ve spent a lifetime dodging folks who really want me to “try their meatloaf”
why? it’s pre-formed meat, how great can it be?
Oh, you’ve never seen someone allergic to mushrooms? You should see it. Stand right there while I eat your mushroom concentrated concoction and don’t move a bit. A hurl will be forthcoming and you can tell other people who puke at the very thought of mushrooms how they can solve this annoying die-lemma. As for blink 182, if you heard their new album....
Mmm. I’ve missed your life-shattering insights.
that would be me and vegetables. period.
this post reminds me of:
“this tastes/smells awful… taste/smell it”
Welcome home, anyway
as long as its not incest or morris dancing..